Marriage is sharing life with your best friend, enjoying the journey, and arriving at every destination together.
Our first date was a New Year’s Eve party. It seems so crazy when I look back, as we did not know each other that well. But we had a lovely time. Dave had an amazing personality and a special gift of making people laugh. That evening, the journey of our love story began. We had no idea that marriage would be in our future. Nor did we know that God had a special destiny for us as a couple or that Dave would become a Worship Pastor.
Dave and I were a couple connected at the hip. We did everything together. Most evenings, we enjoyed quiet times at home or just sitting outside overlooking the river. We lived a simple life. Retirement was on the horizon, and our future was bright. It is hard to believe that your whole life can change in a second, and you never know when it’s coming. Everything becomes different, and you are never the same again. Until this happened to me, I did not know there would be a before and an after to our love story.
On May 28th, 2020, we celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary. Our love was stronger than ever. God was the anchor that kept us steady. Shortly after our anniversary, an unforeseen storm appeared out of nowhere and escalated quickly. This storm was about to change my life.
A three-strand cord is not easily broken,” Ecclesiastes 4:12
Dave had fought cancer at twenty-one. I was in shock when this same cancerous predator came back with a vengeance and took over his entire body. He fought his enemy hard for twenty-two days, but it was a losing battle. Dave passed away peacefully, surrounded by his loving family and Pastor. This was during COVID, when everything was strange and different. Life was complicated. Globally, the world was in lockdown.
Dave’s faith was strong to the end. He knew whatever the outcome was, it was a “Win-Win” situation. The Bible tells us, “To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.” 2 Corinthians 5:8. When Dave took his last breath on earth, it was his first breath in heaven. Just before he took his last breath, I leaned in towards him. While hugging him, I gently whispered in his ear, “Dave, I release you.” I knew being the partner left behind was going to be hard, but he had suffered so much pain. Here I was, a widow, a place I never wanted to be. We had looked forward to growing old together. True love is knowing when to let go.
I had so many questions. God, what now? What is my purpose? What is my normal going to look like? God, what is in my future? God does not always offer answers, but He always offers His Presence. “He is near to the broken-hearted.” Psalm 34:18
Grief is an emotional journey, and there is no right or wrong way to walk through it. Grief has no timeline, and people move through each stage at various times. Grief is neither a sprint nor a marathon. I have come to realize grief has no finish line.
Missing someone is not about how long it has been since you have seen them or the amount of time since you have talked. It is about that very moment when you are doing something and wishing they were right there with you. Each time grief hit me, I was unprepared. Different events and silly little trivial things would trigger various emotions.
There were days I did not want to get out of bed. Days, I did not want to answer the phone or the front door. The evenings were the hardest part of my day. The house was so quiet and felt so dead. Dave and I enjoyed our evenings together, but looking at his empty chair was rough. I was so lonely my heart ached. I longed for one more evening together.
At the start of my Grief journey, my thoughts turned inward as I tried to glean meaning and understanding of what happened. I knew, in time, that God would unfold His plans, but it was a waiting game. Grief is as unique as our fingerprints; it becomes part of our DNA, and we do not “move on” from grief. We move forward with it.
Looking back, I am thankful for the forty years my husband and I spent together. I no longer remember the days. I remember moments. Each moment is a precious memory, a cherished treasure. These treasures surface often and always touch my heart. They are the history of our love story. The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be touched, and they must be felt with the heart.
Grief has taught me that life is precious and that I am resilient. I have been alone for four years and am finally comfortable with my new normal. I know my husband would want me to enjoy life and be happy.
Dave touched so many lives, young and old, and his legacy lives on in the hearts he touched. He truly lived well. I pray I can embrace his legacy and touch those around me.
Together, may we make the world a better place.
I choose to honour my husband by living well.
Are you ready to share your story of RESILIENCE? You can do that HERE.