“You are a sunflower blooming towards the sun. I want you to know that when the sun isn’t out, you are not alone. There’s an entire garden of us you can face.“
I was 12 years old when my aunt handed me my adoption/CAS records. “Want these or I’m gonna throw them out?” Of course, I took them. I obsessed over them. I stayed up all night crying into those files that night.
I was a creation of a good night of drugs. My mom got locked up while I was in the womb. When I was born I stayed with my “dad” who was always doing drugs with his friends in the living room, while my mom was in jail. She was allowed weekends out to visit me but really, she never even came… god knows what she was doing.
I was the age of three when my grandma adopted me, although no one wanted that to happen because I was so traumatized. My grandma died in front of me four months later. I didn’t know until my brother got home from school and blamed me saying, “You killed her!”
I ended up living with my aunt who would always say, “I was too much.” My life was spent trying to get attention but my brother got it all. I feel like my family resented me because they thought I killed my grandma but she died from an aneurism.
I was always told by the family that I lived with, “We took you in!” They treated me as if I was just a stray. They said they “saved” me but I never felt saved.
I used my talents to express what I needed. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and got the help I always needed but never knew. This diagnosis had been the most difficult for me to come to terms with but I grew into this amazing person. I never quit.
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