‘I picked up a call on an early morning while I was still thick with sleep. It was a call with a death notification from overseas and it was regarding my father. He had passed away in a car accident. I was shocked and could not believe that he was actually dead. I was in denial and then acceptance that he, at worst, was injured. I hopped on a plane as soon as I could book a ticket.’
There was a three days delay in getting home and I had convinced myself the whole time that my father was in critical condition; but I found out from my family upon arrival that he actually passed away during the first evening he was admitted to the hospital.
I cried, grieved, was angry, frustrated, extremely hurt, and confused.
I was filled with regrets of “I should have known” or “I should have been there”. I felt a lot of self-blame for a death that I did not create. I went through a phase of telling myself to push through no matter what. I went numb. Going numb, for some reason, helped me cope as I pushed through school and did everything I could to “just deal with it.” I also kept busy.
Death can come at any time. We enter the same and exit the same, in different capacities. Not forgotten, but we can overcome it with time, this is certain.
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