“Take your time. Surround yourself with good and trusting people. Start to open up and talk!”
I have been confronted with the loss of loved ones. Two losses hit me harder than every loss before. At the age of 17, my best friend died in a car accident and one year later my cousin also died in a car accident. At first, I thought I had everything under control. Everything was better than fine. The people around me knew that I wasn’t okay, but I didn’t.
But after a few months of working and trying to keep me as busy as possible, I hit rock bottom. I couldn’t do anything anymore. I couldn’t pray, eat, shower, talk, sleep, walk or even work. I felt empty and unworthy of life. My life didn’t have anything that I wanted to live for. I had such depressing thoughts that I didn’t care if I died. I wanted to die. I thought it would be a relief for me.
One rainy night my car nearly came off the road; I couldn’t see anything. I just thought yes, this is it. But life had a different plan for me. I don’t know how I got home safe or how I am alive. But I thank God that I am. He saved me. When I finally saw how afraid my mom (and my family) were over the thought of losing me forever, I just knew that I had to change things!
I had to stop hurting myself!
I had to start eating again!
I had to start taking my medication!
I had to start therapy!
I had to start talking!
I had to stop punishing myself for things I didn’t do!
I had to learn to love myself!
It is still difficult for me sometimes, but that’s okay. It is still difficult to eat, talk and do many things, but I know that there are people that care for me and love me. I have finally started loving life again. I look back at this challenge and know that because I got through it, I am strong.
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