How I Found Strength in Choosing a Hysterectomy at 45.
A long series of gynecological disasters in the pursuit of having children wreaked havoc on my body and mind for over 25 years. My first ectopic pregnancy at 20 was an early indication that having a family would be a challenge for me. I was working as a production assistant and had met my future husband a few months before. Young, vibrant, and ambitious, there was no indication other than ‘normal’ monthly discomfort of the extreme pain and suffering that would cripple me for the next 25 years. I had missed my period, which I put down to the stress of the long days when an excruciating pain ripped through my stomach. This was not normal pain, and this was like someone put a grenade in my abdomen and pulled the pin. I think I went home, and I don’t remember much about that day after the ambulance came. 24 hours later, I awoke in a hospital bed, my boyfriend beside me and the Dr. letting me know I had lost a lot of blood and had two transfusions. It was 1987, and the AIDS epidemic was still very misunderstood.
My doctor assured me that our blood supply was ok, although I should get tested every few months for the next few years. Although promising research on treatments was underway, the requirement to be tested for AIDS was terrifying. I was fortunate after 5 years, I never showed any positive HIV results, but it strained the relationship. After a few years, we got married. I was anxious to start a family, and yet my body continued to rebel against me. As I was later informed, the kind of internal trauma caused by the right fallopian tube exploding had spread endometrial tissue through my abdominal organs, and these small adhesions would grow and shed with every cycle. Through this time, I decided to get my real estate licence, it seemed like a good career, and the flexibility of being “self-employed” would mean that when I needed procedures or was in too much pain, I could book off and no one would be expecting me in an office. Over the next 4 years, I had three endoscopic surgeries and two miscarriages. With every new setback, I became more and more depressed, and my husband started abusing me. By 2000, I thought it was either suicide or me, and I am so glad I chose me.
My Dad stood guard, baseball bat in hand. As the small truck was loaded, I walked away from my home. My husband came home as the moving truck was almost finished loading. My Dad told him to back off, and it was the end of my marriage. We drove to my little apartment downtown with a sofa bed, clothes, and a few kitchen things, and I started my life over. I wanted a hysterectomy at 33, but the doctors said there would be too many complications like early menopause.
Over the next 12 years, I endured my monthly cycles while building my business and competing as a master athlete in Springboard diving. Maintaining a fitness regime and having many personal and professional goals was an important strategy to push through the pain and required treatments. I refused to become a victim and sought practitioners aligned with my needs. At 45, I was finally referred to the right surgeon and had a hysterectomy.
It took a lot of therapy to overcome the self-esteem issues that being a barren woman in our society cast upon me and working through the deep depression and eventual acceptance that bearing my own children was not going to be possible.
As a young woman, if you have issues with your monthly cycles, seek out nutritional, holistic, and mental health help early. Pain and suffering are not normal.
Unfortunately, motherhood is still seen by society as the primary purpose in life for females. For some women, it is not. My hope is that one day, being childless will be accepted by society as normal, if by choice or circumstance.
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