I want to share my story in hopes that it might resonate with others who find themselves stuck in a toxic relationship, feeling confused and torn between the highs and lows. For years, I was trapped in a cycle of emotional manipulation and turmoil. The relationship wasn’t all bad; there were moments of laughter, connection, and even love. But beneath the surface, toxic behaviors constantly chipped away at my sense of self-worth.
At first, I didn’t even realize what was happening. The gaslighting, the manipulation, the constant turning things around on me when I simply asked for emotional support; it all became so routine that I started to believe I was the problem. His words and actions made me feel guilty and ashamed for wanting basic things like stability and security, as if I was being unreasonable.
I’m not saying I was never at fault. There were times I reacted in ways that made me question the woman I was becoming. I spent countless hours trying to better myself—going to counseling, joining support groups, praying, reading scripture, meditating, and journaling. I wanted to be my best self so badly to avoid escalating situations that left me feeling powerless and ashamed of my reactions. Deep down, I kept reminding myself that this wasn’t who I truly was or who I was meant to be.
Whenever I brought up my feelings or tried to protect myself emotionally, it turned into a drawn-out conflict that could last for days. He’d call me names, mock me, and dismiss my ideas as if they were laughable. I felt small, like I couldn’t have a voice, no matter how hard I tried to make him understand my perspective. And when angry, he’d retaliate by breaking promises—canceling plans, refusing to follow through on things he’d said he would do.
But then, after the storm, there would be moments of calm. He’d say beautiful things, tell me how much he loved me, and remind me of all the reasons he cared. We’d have fun together and share our faith, and I’d convince myself that maybe this time would be different. Perhaps he had changed and grown in his ability to love me for who I am and to see things outside of the black-and-white lens that he often wore.
This cycle repeated for years. Each time I thought about leaving, I’d remember the good moments—the laughter, the connection, the times when he made me feel special. But what I didn’t realize then was that no amount of positive words or fleeting moments of joy could make up for the way he constantly tore me down, dismissed my feelings, and refused to take responsibility for his actions.
Breaking free was even more challenging because of my upbringing and deep biblical beliefs. I grew up believing that marriage was sacred, and the thought of leaving felt like I was failing—not just myself but God. I prayed, meditated, and did everything I could to improve myself, thinking things would change if I could just be a better wife. But over time, I realized that staying in a relationship that harmed my spirit wasn’t what God intended for me, either.
I came to the acceptance that God values me as His child, knows my heart, and loves me wholeheartedly despite the mistakes I had made. This realization was pivotal; it allowed me to release the guilt and shame I had carried for so long. God’s love for me wasn’t conditional on staying in a broken marriage. Once I understood that, I found the strength to walk away, knowing His grace covered me.
It took me a long time to recognize that love shouldn’t feel like a roller coaster. It shouldn’t make you question your worth or feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Real love isn’t perfect, but it is consistent, kind, and respectful.
Eventually, I broke free. Walking away wasn’t easy. I had to confront my fear of being alone and the false belief that I was at fault and didn’t deserve happiness. But shortly after I decided to leave, I discovered something: I wasn’t broken and didn’t need anyone’s approval to feel whole. I had been carrying the weight of someone else’s insecurities for too long.
In the months and years that followed, I focused on rebuilding myself. I worked on my self-worth, learning to love and respect myself in ways I never had before. I rediscovered my independence and recognized I deserved so much more than I had accepted for so long.
And then, when I was ready, I opened my heart again. This time, to a man who truly sees me— listens, supports, and respects me in ways I never knew were possible. He doesn’t mock my ideas or dismiss my feelings. He follows through on his promises, no matter how big or small. And most importantly, he loves me for who I am, not for who he wants me to be.
To any woman reading this, if you’re in a relationship that makes you question your worth or is constantly being gaslit or made to feel guilty for your needs, I want you to know that you are worthy of more. You deserve to be in a relationship where your voice is heard, your feelings are valued, and you are treated with the love and respect you deserve and give to others.
We have to embrace our biggest fears and desires by searching deep within ourselves to discover the truth that will guide us down the pathway toward hope, peace, and serenity.
Leaving wasn’t easy, but it was the best thing I ever did for myself. Now, I’m in a relationship that lifts me instead of tearing me down. And I’m here to tell you that it’s possible to break free, heal, and find the love you truly deserve. But first, you have to love your authentic self and believe that you are worthy of it—and you are.
Are you ready to share your story of RESILIENCE? You can do that HERE.