This is Ophelia Wang and she is RESILIENT.
CONTENT WARNING: The I Am Resilient Project provides an open space for people to share their personal experiences. Some content in this post and on this website will include topics that you may find difficult.
Describe the situation where you had to be resilient:
I was resilient when I had to face the demons within me, the trauma I experienced in my childhood, my relationship with my parents, an abusive partner. Resilience is needed in healing.
Ophelia’s Story:
I grew up in a traditional Asian family, which meant that there was extreme pressure and high expectations to be a straight-A student. This came with lots of criticism in my family, and as a result, I was very insecure and nervous about my performance. Another factor that diminished my self-esteem was the relationship I had with my parents, not giving direct expressions of love but instead providing materialistic items only. My parents stayed in their marriage to keep the family ‘together.’
I can recall them arguing late at night, and eventually, one of them attempted suicide attempt. Looking back, the trauma from this experience meant that I grew up carrying a fear of being alone and being abandoned. These feelings were a contributing factor to why I put so much pressure on myself to over-achieve to be considered a success. This is why I settled for some time in a narcissistic and abusive relationship.
When I was older and completing a very intense Ph.D., the stress and anxieties that came with it all took my body down. I was put on antidepressants, having been diagnosed with chronic anxiety, depression and passive suicidal thoughts. I was trying to please my clients, my colleagues and my family. I was trying to achieve more than was possible of me while blocking out the emotional demons within; the fear of being alone, abandoned, unworthy and unsuccessful. I became obsessed with shopping. I was hoarding hundreds of items each week, after frantically bidding on eBay for a short term buzz. I just thought that if I looked and acted like everything was fine, everything would be fine.
Going out socially with friends and looking the part was all a hoax. I would come home drained and tired but too stressed to sleep well or adequately care for myself. I could feel myself unravelling but knowing I had to get on with the Ph.D. deadlines, but I refused to accept what was ahead of me.
When I collapsed and went to see a therapist, I realized the extent of my coping mechanism with stress, realizing there was a lot of hidden trauma. When I went on a trip to Indonesia and tried holistic healing, I began to understand the importance of having a good relationship with myself and the power of my mindset.
How did you practice resilience when faced with this challenge?
You need resilience to face your demons and look at the emotions within you, not to hide from them. I had to dig deep into my past and admit things I hadn’t wanted to, in order to move forward and heal.
Please share one piece of advice for people who are going through a similar challenge:
Your mind has unlimited power and choice. Stress can be managed, anxiety can be reduced, and depression can be regulated; only if you choose to heal.
???? Jakarta, Indonesia
Are you ready to share your story of RESILIENCE? You can do that HERE.