MY FAULT
I humbly share with you a story—a lesson—on survival—from costly tragedy to awareness, acceptance, accountability, and resilience. This unfolding of tragedies was born simply from a lack of focus during the best of times—not living in the present moment, an array of personal character defects, and lots of alcohol. This story is ‘lived out’ entirely too often by entirely too many.
BACKGROUND & RED FLAGS
One of Eleven, #6, of a perfectly imperfect family of modest means—from a mid-sized city in Texas. After lots of life, she fell in love with a wonderful young man from a small town in Alabama. Both moved to Houston- the fabulous Big City! They could not get enough of the fast paced big city life! The fast, fairly fancy crowds, the nice things, the trips….
After a very insightful, wonderful, and required Catholic marriage prep, they married. He was 25, and she was 26.
They had everything going for them. Crazy about each other, great health, loving families, great jobs, fun, and wonderful friends. They lived in a fabulous high-rise in the middle of this wonderful Big City and loved every minute of this new and fast paced, high life.
They were floating in the goodness – not ‘grounded’ at all. A life so many dream of was taken for granted. They ‘loved’ Him, and they felt safe in their relationship.
When not paying attention, red flags are missed or ignored, right?! These two ‘successful’ people were just living the good life, not keeping the main thing, the main thing with an ‘illusion of safety.’
Thank you, Father. They were gifted/entrusted with two beautiful children of His, perfect in every way.
Day-to-day life, even for those ‘with everything,’ is not easy. When our subconscious, who is running the show, tells us we ‘should not’ be anything but happy, many of us push through thoughts, emotions, and REAL feelings because everything looks so wonderful. In reality, there is an enormous thunderstorm of emotion brewing within.
LOOKING LIKE A GRAND SLAM —UNSEEN EVIL SMILING
The storybook life continued. They moved into an adorable cottage and created a wonderful home where loved ones gathered. Seriously, it’s a story that dreams are made of… as individuals and as a married couple! The inner thunderstorm is brewing.
Matthew 24:43
“But know this, that if the master of the house had known what hour the thief would come, he would have watched and not allowed his house to be broken into”.
They DID IT ALL! CONSTANTLY!
Seemingly innocent, alcohol—often part of day or evening was ‘enjoyed’–SO MUCH–TOO MUCH!—Evil smiling as this beautiful story—this beautiful family was spinning out of control.
STEALTH BOMBER
This family took the final, direct hit from the stealth bomber—evil. After 3 1/2 years of separation, mainly just out of exhaustion, they met at the courthouse and signed off, giving up. Hearts must have hardened.
COMMON DENOMINATOR
She remarried, and 7 years later, she started feeling that ‘same’ storm of emotions?!
This time, she paid attention, stepped back, got quiet, asked Him for help, surrendered, and, by the Grace of God, realized that the only common denominator ‘here’ is ME!
A very disappointing yet enlightening day.
THROUGH GRIEF, SHAME SPIRAL, TO ACCOUNTABILITY— RESILIENCE AND FREEDOM!
The beginning of the shame spiral and a personal dive of self-discovery—into the center of that enormous, life-threatening storm—facing evil—is the beginning of grief.
Grief that involves enormous guilt. Taking ownership of the destruction, the death of a family, pain, loss & suffering that children experience for the rest of their lives—due to her/my choices. Grief—for her /my lack of simply paying attention—no prioritizing, lack of not keeping the main thing, the main thing—lack of just a little daily discipline—lack of accountability.
Dear Lord our God—a dive within a shame spiral—she/I did not think she/I could survive or was worthy of survival.
The first realization was that alcohol is not a friend. She/I made the decision to surrender ‘the drinks.’ This pain was greater than the ‘ism’, and to this day—one day at a time, 22+ years later, with and through Him who strengthens all and the simple words, “Not right now.” she/I remain alcohol-free.
Yes, in spite of herself/myself, by the Grace of God, the gift of a third perfect little one, a redesigned family, one day at a time, that second marriage is 28 years strong and counting. SHE AND I DO PAY ATTENTION ALL THE TIME NOW.
RESILIENCE comes from our core—from the strength and power of the Holy Spirit within. We EACH matter—We are EACH a beloved child of God. We EACH CAN survive — get through and all the way to JOY and FREEDOM—He is for us, with us, within us—we do HAVE TO ASK FOR HIS HELP—this is the greatest example of strength we all possess—THE STRENGTH TO ASK.
YOU ARE LOVE
YOU ARE LIGHT
YOU ARE LIFTED EACH DAY
’She’ and I appreciate you and believe in you.
Humbly, with a grateful heart, love, and prayers,
Carroll
carrollpatrizi.com
I practiced resilience through taking accountability, surrendering, asking for help, getting alcohol-free, and ultimately, by the grace of God.
My advice to you is to PAY ATTENTION, get and stay present.
Are you ready to share your story of RESILIENCE? You can do that HERE.