What Is Your Swan? with Barbie Layton – Encore

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:00

trigger warning, the Resilience Project provides an open space for people to share their personal experiences. Some content in this podcast may include topics that you may find difficult, the listeners discretion is advised.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:19

Hello friends, welcome to radical resilience, a weekly show where I Blair Kaplan Venables have inspirational conversations with people who have survived life's most challenging times. We all have the ability to be resilient and bounce forward from a difficult experience. And these conversations prove just that, get ready to dive into these life changing moments while strengthening your resilience muscle and getting raw and real.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:49

Hello, hello, it's Blair Kaplan Venables here and you're listening to another episode of radical resilience. I am here with someone that I am so grateful for. We have floated around in the same circles and landed in the same space at the same time, and it's my friend Barbie. Barbie Layton. She is an international best us speaker going from side to the main stage in six months based on fan feedback and 25 years of speaking engagements. She earned a PhD. She earned an MA in spiritual psychology from the world famous University of Santa Monica and participated in the Cannes Film Festival winning documentary as a counselor to women serving life sentences and Chowchilla California on the president project. This was based on Victor Frankel's work and I love that Victor Frankel's work, I think it's you know, as a Jewish person, really important work that he's done. She helps CEOs and individuals alike re animate their dreams fall in love with themselves and become the VIP of their own lives with powerful one of a kind, intuitive soul print energy clearings that have manifested miracles in her clients. She'll be featured in USA Today, and will be in the upcoming second edition of the International best selling book woman Gone Wild, which I'm also a part of, and she was just named as Los Angeles Tribune lifestyle and personal growth columnist. And she's just, she's just like Mary Poppins. It's a bag full of goodies. I love it. And she's gonna be a speaker at the Think and Grow Rich World Tour sponsored by the Napoleon Hill Foundation. I am so honored to call this lady Barbie, my friend, my soul sister, and she's here with us today. Hey, Barbie.

Barbie Layton: 00:02:28

Hi Blair. Oh my god, it's so amazing to be here with your audience. And yes, yes, yes. And in addition to that, the USA Today article, you and I are both in our article together. Top 10 Female conscious leaders to watch in 2022. So that's supposed to drop at any day now. And so you know, kudos to you to be able to be on that list as well. And just kind of a background for the audience in the sense of where as Blair was talking about, we were both in the women Gone Wild book coming up. But what's so cool is that what I love about Blair is that she calls herself an extroverted extrovert. And I can completely relate to that. Because ultimately, a lot of times, it's like, you know, people like us have been told a lot of times in our lives, we need to tone it down. And you need to keep the volume down because you're just too loud and you're too much. But I think now the part about being a resilient human beings, the fact that you realize that, technically, that's actually your superpower. And it's something aware because you are so unique, that you need to live out loud, the very best that you can be and that doesn't mean obnoxious, it just means authentic, and it just means coming forward. So thank you so much for exposing me to your beautiful audience. And I'm also so honored to have been a part of your journey and getting to know you for the last few months etc has been a delight and I just think the world of you Blair I think you're awesome. Oh,

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:03:43

Barbie, thank you so much. And it's so funny like because we both have like we're on our own path. So there's a lot of similarities in both being an extroverted extrovert, like we've been on calls together and like Barbie and I are definitely like the main the main people who raise their hands to speak and what I think is so funny about that Barbie for a when I got engaged in 2006 No, 17 no, 2016 I got engaged. And I went on a trip with my mom and sister and I was reading Amy Schumer's book and she talks about being I think she talks about being an extroverted introvert or an introverted extrovert, but it related to me and I was convinced I was like, oh my god, I'm an introverted extrovert. No, I was an extroverted introvert and getting them confused. And I was like Alanna, my sister like I am an extroverted introvert. Like, I need to be alone. I need to recharge and she's like, you're not. And it became this huge joke. And at my wedding, it even made into the speech that I tried to convince her I was an introvert. And then I'm like, You know what, I'm extroverted expert. I'm just going to embrace it. And I think we should wear that badge really proud because we are the change makers. We're the ones who are going with our guy and standing up in front of the world, sharing our messages, making a difference, and that's what I'm doing with the global Resilience Project. That's what you're doing with everything you do. And you know, together we can really dominate and inspire and empower millions of people. So I'm really excited about that. So, you know, you've been through various challenges, you know, what should we dive into today?

Barbie Layton: 00:05:11

One of the things that I kind of realized has come forward is that I'm supposed to be in, or I find all the video release forms for it. So it's, I guess, in process, but I'm going to be in Dr. John Demartini, is documentary about his breakthrough experience coming up in the next few months was postponed due to COVID. But I was really trying to think about, you know, really, what, what is my message in the sense of where this will be an international film festivals and their award winning, they've worked with Jack Canfield and this director, couple from polling, they're absolutely amazing. But it's still I was thinking to myself, like, what exactly is it that I think has made me so resilient. And what I found was the fact that, you know, when I look back on my story, I don't really like to talk a lot about the trauma, because I always want to look at people, especially my clients about like, okay, all this stuff happened to you before, but now what, but there is a certain acknowledgement of the trauma that you've had in the past and where other people have gone through, and they know that there's a way out on the other side, that it is really helpful for people. So just to start off with that, for me, I was one of those really precocious advanced kind of gifted kids, possibly, you know, even maybe, like non diagnosed Asperger's of where I just had so much knowledge was like one of those young Sheldon type kids where it's like, I knew all these things, but it was still the awkwardness of not needing to correct people if they spoke wrong, or they said it wrong, or whatever else. Because you don't know you're, you're a little kid, you know, you have no idea and walking into, you know, kindergarten, you know, at five years old, and already being reading chapter books and stuff like that. I didn't mean to make anybody feel stupid, who didn't know how to read. But by the same token, I didn't know that anybody didn't know how to read. So it was like this really, you know, like, my whole life was just like, you know, all your giftedness are so fabulous until you're like four years old or so. And then five o'clock, five years old, you're like, you know, they're doing C dick, Ron, and you're just going like, Okay, what is happening, and then they want you to skip all these grades, and, you know, just became kind of this big, huge drama. But the bullying for me, was pretty much about from kindergarten to 10th grade. And I mean, I don't mean like the kind of things where people talk about microaggressions. Now, I mean, being spit on being, you know, physically bullied, scream, not, you know, the 30 minute ride to school and back was a ride from hell. And it's still, in those days, it was the boys will be boys and it's fine and united kid tripped me in fifth grade and sprained my wrist. And his parents wouldn't acknowledge it, there's just a lot of things where it's always seems like in these small schools that people will always pick one person. And that's something that's in the Torres talks about the scapegoat. It's that one particular person where it's like anything goes and you can just totally treat that person however you want, because it's the acceptable person that's taking everybody's crap on. So that, unfortunately, was me. But it was always my intelligence, that was something that they couldn't ever take away from me. So you know, I was Spelling Bee winter in third grade with a K through eight school, which of course, they didn't particularly care for, but I wasn't ever going to allow my light to be dimmed in that sense. But what I found was that as an adult, in a traditional workplace, you know, that I worked for over 20 years, I retracted that bullying pattern, again, from co workers, bosses that abused me, etcetera, etcetera. So I feel like, in a lot of ways, one of my messages that I haven't really talked a lot about, but it's just been coming forward for me, is the toxicity in the workplace that people have and this acceptability of where it's like, we've legalized, you know, all these things and said, We have anti discrimination. And we don't allow people to, you know, discriminate based on your sexual orientation, or handicap theory, this or that. But there's so many of these things that go on in the workplace, despite all of these roles that are out there, because unless somebody decides to get the legal system involved, it doesn't stop. And it's this like, kind of gang mentality of where, you know, for me, I'm always focusing on my clients. I'm not trying to impress my co workers, I'm I try to focus on how can I be best for my clients? My clients always just did really, really, really well. So it ended up outshining people, which again, they didn't like, it's like, why don't you just go away? Why don't you just stop talking? Why don't you just stop doing this, but I'm always trying to do my own personal best to be able to be a better version of myself. And a lot of people I think, get stuck in the status quo. So my feeling is that, like, for example, if I know about you through your social media, or something else, but I've never met you, and somebody had an opinion about you, Blair, and they said, Oh, Blair's like this. I think a lot of people are too lazy. They want to have the impression that they got from somebody else's opinion to that other person, and then basically put it on that person and just decide, okay, now and they're in a box, this is the label of like, you know, well, this is Blair, but my personal feeling is that because I've been so misunderstood and mislabeled by people who never gave me a second chance to be able to evolve or change or anything else like that. I want to get to know each person individually and I will reserve my opinion about that person. Once I found out who they are. If they are the way somebody else says they are. That's one thing that I need to be able to make My own opinion about people and not be lazy, and do my own due diligence and finding out who people are. Because that's the exciting part. You know, I mean, you and I have just scratched the surface about getting to know each other. And there's a lot of things to discover. And that's the beautiful thing of human connection. But I realized that for myself, I still had this pattern of victim and, you know, bullied child and all this other kind of stuff that I retracted. But now in this public speaking arena, and all these other things I'm doing in media. And having all these people love my message and what I'm doing because I'm not in that space any longer, I'm not attracting that same pattern. So that to me is a super important thing that that resilience, part of it is that I've been through a lot of this stuff. But I've come out the other side, and then I pivoted to something completely different because I didn't allow that to define me.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:10:48

Wow, Barbie, oh, my gosh, so powerful. And thank you for sharing. And, well, you're saying about being bullied. Like, it took me back. When I was in high school, I was bullied, I went to what I went to school with the same people for till grade eight. And then I switched to a different school for grade nine. And I was bullied, there was a girl that are there that didn't like me, she turned all my friends against me. And it felt very lonely. And I never had that experience because I grew up with the same friends. And I still had all my other friends and I spent more time with them. But I just remember this feeling of like being on an island being really isolated, being alone, even some people that were really close to me, almost like family, turning their back on me. And honestly, like this conversation about being bullied, the thing is in school we are put there, right? We don't get to choose who we're in school with. But now, as adults, we actually get to choose who is in our circle, we get to choose who we want to give our energy and time to and who we want to get to know. But you know, it's interesting that you're saying this, because I actually had this conversation recently about, you know, as I get older, like I know, many people like I know, 10s of 1000s of people, a lot of them on social media I've actually never met but we've developed fun internet relationships and like a non creepy way. But my inner circle of people is not that big, because I want to cultivate beautiful, deep and meaningful relationships, and not keep them surface level. And then if I start to get to know someone, and it's not a fit, it's okay to walk away from that. And the same goes for clients, right Barbie, like you get to choose who you work with. And I think it's also really important to know, like, you know, I don't I can't speak to your experience, but like, I didn't grow up with social media, you grow up with like the internet, like, I can't even imagine what it's like now, even as adults like with internet trolls, and people who are keyboard warriors, like, I'm really grateful that my, like, formative years did not involve the internet, because it's a vicious place.

Barbie Layton: 00:13:04

Absolutely. And it's like, even, you know, like in the mean, Girls movie, you know, they had that burn book. I don't know if you remember that? Oh, yes, I do. They banned those. And I will never forget that. You know, kind of as a joke, see, like what you were talking about with having a different chance or, you know, like, you grew up with all the same people, and then you move to another place. And then you have this experience that was totally unfamiliar for you. And it's like, I had a similar thing of where I begged my parents, please transfer me to different schools, so I can have a fresh start. So I literally went to another school. And that was like, you know, almost close to an hour to get on the bus. And that was a big ordeal to have to go there and to be transferred. But when I got to the school, all those popular kids in my old school were all on sports teams with the kids at the new school. So they already knew I was coming. I didn't even get a chance at the new school. So the burn book went around. And I thought this was an opportunity for me to be involved in socially and this is kind of in a burn book would be a similar, you know, to social media back in those days. And so is this, you know, who do you think is this? Who do you think is that and they would sign your name and that and then all these people decided to write all these horrible things about me in this burn book. And I wasn't of course even able to see who it was. But it was just so painful to know about, you know, to them. This was a joke, I don't even know if they even felt that way about it. They just thought that it was super funny. And that, you know, like isn't as great. But as you know, there's kids with suits with like, you know, social media and things like that they end up committing suicide, they end up actually like deciding they can't cope on this because as you're saying the bullying isn't just like at school and after school, it's nonstop 24 hours a day of where people can do you know, I hate so and so pages and things like that. But I think this is also the opportunity to from a positive sense. That's why I love what you know Rhonda Swan and Diana Wentworth are doing in regards to starting a movement about being unconscious female because I think it's that Hola, como elevation and Ko collaboration of where we celebrate each other as women? Because it's that whole thing people say, oh, like if you know if the world was run by women it was such a better place will not if they're competitive and cutthroat and trying to be where it's a tear down, you know a lot of women I think are in the scarcity mindset and Oh, isn't she too beautiful? And who does she think she is, and so on and so forth. And at an interview on my show with Rachel Pringle, who is a model, and she's always been dropped dead gorgeous, and I had the fortunate ability to let me her on Thursday in person with her husband, it was phenomenal. But as a beautiful woman who has a traditional modelesque woman, she's always having to put other women at ease that she's not going to be a bit or she's not going to be this or that whatever. And it's like, that must be completely exhausting. I have to constantly have other people's projection thrown at you. But when you talk to her, she's such a deep and beautiful and purposeful human being and she loves other women wants to celebrate them. So that's where I'm appreciative in the sense of we're in the tribe that you and I are part of, and the women that we're discussing with, I mean, you know, we have, you know, Kelly Clarkson, and we have Paris Hilton and Donatella Versace and all these different women in mainstream media, who are resonating with the women's on wild concept because to them, they want to update their think there's nothing wrong with being beautiful, and presenting as successful and things like that. But even you and I getting to know Diana, Diana Wentworth is such a frickin I mean, she is a rock star, amazing human beings. I adore her, her soul just shines through turned 81 yesterday. But it's still all the projections that you hear these beautiful success, successful women have thrown on them, because people think and they assume that they're going to behave a particular way. But they're human just like everybody else. They're completely, you know, they put their pants on the exact same way that everybody else does. And I think having grown up in Malibu and seeing celebrities all day, every day who didn't have their you know, like, you'd see Pamela Anderson and Farrah Fawcett and Charlie Sheen, and just all these different people that just be popping around because that's what they live, but they weren't dressed up. They didn't have their makeup done. They didn't care like Pamela Anderson loves to wear sweaters, shorts and Ugg boots with their hair in a bun. You know, it's just like, that's how she loves to run around. I know, she's a she's a former Canuck. For sure, but it's like, I think the the message to me is the fact that a lot of the bosses that I've had that I've been men, they've been a lot nicer than the women who aren't, it's like, and that's the part about where I think systemically, we have an opportunity for women to not have to feel like they have to compete in a scarcity mindset, but that we can all celebrate and be each other's cheerleaders, I think toxicity in the workplace would really, really shift because, you know, it doesn't need to be that there's a, you know, an employee of the month or an employee of the week, or this person gets a raise, or this person doesn't. It's like, how do you celebrate your whole team? How do you celebrate all the people that contribute? And that's why I love like Tony Shea, it's like I got nominated for his award last year, because he's one of those guys that I mean, his call center, he was bringing in misuses, he had 24 hour call center, one of the first people in the entire world that 24 hour call center. And the way he entices employees to come in, as they said, Hey, are mysterious, they'll give you back rubs, during the time when you're on the phone, like two three in the morning? Well, you know, we'll bring in pizza, we'll do this, well, we'll find your superpower able to do that. And everybody wanted to work for him. Yeah, created a billion dollar industry with Zappos. So that's the part about where these happy workplaces are where people support each other male and female, whatever you are, however, you know, whatever flag you fly, just celebrating other people, but finding those people that are going to be like minded as to the people that are going to be competitive, or want to tear you down. Because to me, I don't do tear down. I don't want to do tear down.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:18:47

Exactly, like why can't we all just be nice to each other? And what is this feeling in us if we feel like we need to power trip or be act as if we're above someone? And that condensation and like being an asshole? Like, why do people do that? And why can't we all just exist and be harmonious? And I've always actually always, you know, I've wondered that and you know, it's it's interesting, because some like, I have a mix of clients, men, women, whatnot, but honestly, I I've had some experiences where males have wanted to work with me. And the way they communicated with me was not good. You know, I've had men double triple my age will no, not triple but like double my age sit down with me who want to just get to know what I do. So they can refer me business who question everything that I do. And then they learned that I'm making more money than them and you know, they can't even look me in the eyes. And it's just like, we don't we don't need to this isn't a game like I'm here. To provide a service like the global Resilience Project is a service that can community. I'm a social media marketing expert and mentor, I am here to help empower people to tell their stories. I am here to help people move through their challenges. And I'm not here to compete. I'm not here to compete in the social media space. I don't believe I have competition. I think there's plenty of work to go around. I refer work to other social media marketing experts, I celebrate people who would be deemed as my competitors, because I believe the right people will land in my world, just like the right land in your world, like we're in each other's worlds. But then there's those people out there who don't get that who like, I was actually just telling the story to someone. I was getting a pedicure, actually, the girl I get a pedicure from is amazing. And we're talking about where do you go shopping, and we talked about winners, which in the States, I think is like TJ Maxx, but we're talking about winners. And I was saying, you know, in grade 11, I worked at winners, and my boss hated me because he was an older man, like I was in high school, he was like an adult male. And I spoke up for myself like I, I when something wasn't right, or I didn't like the way he spoke to me, like I shared that. And so he thought he was punishing me by always giving me fitting room shifts. Were really like my job because it was during the day because I had like an interesting high school experience with like, my schedule. My job was to open packages, and like, open those shipments and like put out the clothes. So I got first dibs on all the stuff that was coming in. So like, I loved it. And I was like he thought he was punishing me. But we're just talking about like the imbalance in power. And like, what can we do to mitigate that? And, you know, going back to the high school thing, Barbie, you know, any the people I mean, with social media that we know what people are up to. And I don't like to put my energy towards like, I don't all the people that were bullying me and not nice to me. I you know, one of them actually apologized to me, but I'm not connected to them on social media. I don't need to be in their sphere. I don't need them to be in mind. But I'm curious about you. Like, do you know anyone that really stood out to you that that was part of this experience for you? Do you know what they're up to now? Or does anyone apologize to you?

Barbie Layton: 00:22:12

I did have one person. I think they probably had gone through a 12 step program. And they actually reached out to me and said, You know, I have children right now. And I realized that what we did to you was so awful. He was the one that pushed me down during dodgeball in fifth grade and sprained my almost broke my hands. And then I had a, I had a half cast with an ace bandage on it. And kids actually was slammed books on it in the bus, because they said it wasn't a real cast. So Oh, yeah, it was is when that's when, my gosh, about bullying today. You know, I, I don't like to play victim Olympics. But it was literally I mean, it was It was torture. And I literally asked the bus driver if I could sit in the front seat every single day. And she told me no. And then she told me that I was the problem that I created this horrible ride for her that she had to do this route because I was awful. And I'm just like, you know, I'm sitting here pleading for Just Mercy for her to just sit let me sit in the front seat quietly, and, you know, didn't have any, didn't have any, you know, reprise from that either. But I think, you know, hearing that from him was a positive thing. Because as a parent, he saw it as a different light and realize that, you know, and apparently they were at somebody's wedding, and they all sat around and said, you know, oh, my God, we were absolutely horrible to her, which, you know, it was a, there was a certain just desserts about that. But I think that the thing that's important, especially for your guests to kind of, like, take it in, in a moment in sense of where it's like, sometimes it's the small town that you have to leave sometimes it's the environment in the sense of where people won't give you an opportunity to when you continuously are allowing the stream and dab and even if you have roots there, you know, I remember Bronski beat in the in the 80s they had a you know, and they talked about coming out as gay and that they basically had this song called small town boy about like where they needed to leave where they were so that they could be accepted for who they were. And I know that for myself as an exchange student, my junior year in high school, I went to Austria and I didn't speak the language and I really insisted on speaking German I got an award for best you know, improvement in German is something I really still still pride and I'm very proud of myself for but the thing that was so cool about that Blair was that when I met all these different people in the high school, everybody loved me there. They all invited me to every party the you know the poppers the preppies but the you know, the heavy metal guys, whatever. I got invited to all the parties, everyone wanted me to be in their situation, I got to go to all these different festivals and things like that. So the very best part about that was that I realized it wasn't me. It was not me, the me that I was I went to a brand new place and went out of my pond. And I literally found oh my god, it really wasn't me. It's just the fact that these kids have known me for so long for so many years that they have literally never allowed me to evolve or change because a book goat in that environment and See, that's the part of where it's, that's the awareness I think is so important is the fact that it's that ugly duckling story. You are with all these different ducklings and you're going like why don't the ducklings like me? Why don't the ducklings like me, but you're a frickin swan. You need to go find swans, there's nothing wrong with the ducks. But it's still also the other part to me is also the fact that I have a lot of people who say, Well, you know, now that you're successful, I'm bet you that you're really, you know, hoping that you can kick sand in their eye and that you'd be so happy, whatever else and I said, Nope, I have no desire for revenge. I have no desire, I practice practice radical forgiveness in the sense of where I send love back to them and say, you know, bless them Father, for they know not what they do. It's like they did whatever they did, because that's what they thought they were gonna do. Karma is a bitch. That's all I have to say.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:25:51

You know, it's interesting, very, because like, I'm doing a lot of like, I'm on a spiritual awakening path. I'm at the beginning of my journey. And we talked about this offline before recording. And part of my part of my journey is really realizing when people act a certain way, it has nothing to do with me, it has everything to do with them. And when people trigger me, or they say something, sometimes I you know, before would take it really personally, but now it's like, I look at them and like, wow, that person must be really hurting. And I, you know, had a recent experience where I was making posts about, you know, some of the speaking engagements I've had and what I do for a living. And someone I've known my entire life came out of the woodworks at like, a weird hour, like, in the middle of the night, and was commenting, calling me a phony and telling me basically, everything I was saying was BS. And I immediately was like, and it was weird, because like, Child's like, we've known each other our entire lives. And we're just like, interlocked, you know, families. And I thought about that, instead of being upset about his words, my first reaction was, Wow, he must be hurting. Something I said, must be triggering him that he's going that deep into my social media. And he's commenting, and he's doing it at this hour. I feel really bad for him, like, I hope he's going to be okay.

Barbie Layton: 00:27:09

And that's the compassion in the sense of where it's like, you know, that whole thing that I don't know exactly the quote, but it's that concept of where Buddha says, you know, it's like, having anger or like resentments against other people is like, you know, like holding a hot stone and expecting the other person to get burned. Because as you said, it's like, you're a nonfactor to the other person. They just go along, I think people act in self interest, and they do whatever is what is good for them in the moment. And that's just human nature. And you can't really go against that. But you're right. It's like, what, what propels or compulsive somebody to be able to think that I'm going to come after Blair, and just tell her that everything she's about is that this that whatever it's like, what exactly is it in that person that really feels that but as you said, it's this whole, you know, compunction, or this this compulsion to, to want to do this tear down, because somehow I think in the moment, certain people feel like it makes them feel better. And you know, like for myself going through, you know, weight loss journey over time, et cetera, et cetera. It's like, you know, I'm a big, bodacious woman, you know, five foot nine, very curvy, etc. But I had to go through all these different iterations of, of my body, this, that whatever, to some people, I'm fat, other people, I'm curvy and beautiful. And so ultimately, the opinion that I have on myself has to be the most important one because I live in this body. And, you know, I've kind of, you know, reflected on with fashion and things like that. Every decade, there's a new body style that's hot, or in or whatever else, but yet, you have the same body your whole entire freaking life. You know what I mean? So it's like, you know, the hourglass was popular in the 50s. But then in the 60s, we had the Twinkies that came in that were like, thin with, like, you know, no curves. And then I mean, every decade a different body style comes in, but it's like, so what you need to be in style and in fashion for yourself and do whatever makes you happy. That's the that is the literally most important thing. And even something kind of like as frivolous as hair color and things like that. I was laughing because I dyed my hair blonde since I was 18 years old. It's like everyone, you know, blue eyes, and everyone's like, oh, you should be a blonde. And so I dyed it for years and years and years. It wasn't until I got to my late 40s. I was like, You know what, I don't even know what hair color I even have. I don't even know what my actual real hair color looks like. I have no clue. So I let it grow out. And I haven't colored it for two and a half years. I'm gonna everyone's freaking out during the pandemic because they didn't have any color for their roots. I was laughing because I have these you know, these white strands in the front and people ask me like, Oh, where'd you get those done? And I'm like Mother Nature gave them to me Thank you. It's hilarious because it's totally this whole this decision with women of where you know, and again it comes back to the women in a sense of where like, oh, you know, I need to be 70 years old and I need to keep calling my hair so people still think that I'm young or whatever else and it's like, you know, whatever floats your boat if you want to dye your hair purple diet purple, if you want to keep it natural, do that whatever and I thought once I know what my hair color is, you know, I will do whatever I want but I love to play with weight. because I love to play with fashion, I love to play with all these different things because that's the part that takes you out of that static rigidity of anything that you've experienced before, as you're trying on something new. And if you try it on for a day, and you don't like it, you can start off with the palette again the next day. And if you don't like it again, start off again. And one thing you know, I know we're coming to this this interview, but I want to just tell your audience something that was a really big epiphany, which was an aha moment of life that I thought was fantastic. I went to go see the statue of David in, in, in Pitt, NZ Italia that would fit you know, like you go to go see the statue of David. It's 17 feet high. You can see the veins in his marble, you know, feet and his arms. It is literally one of the most exquisite, phenomenal, gorgeous statues entire world. But when you come in, Michelangelo has the entire walkway coming up to the cupola where David is standing that has all of these giant pieces of marble that are excuse my French, but they're all fuck ups. They're all the ones that he tried first, and they didn't work out. So you don't even realize it until you walk in. You're like, Oh, look at this marble here. But those marble pieces must have cost a fortune, even back in those days to get this giant piece of marble, to chisel out to do this perfection. But there were all these, you know, mistakes that first waffle you put in that's always misformed and deformed. But then the second one comes out perfect. You know what I mean? So it's like, keep going with your mistakes, keep going and know that they're going to be multiple iteration. Colonel Sanders had to do it 1000 times before his 12 herbs and spices were accepted. And you're never too old to change. You're never too old. You know, don't say to yourself, I'm too fat. I'm too old. I'm too skinny. I'm to this whatever you can be to anything for the rest of your life. And then it's over. So it's really like stepping into what is your swan? What is something about you personally, that you aren't able to reach refocus that. And one of the things during the pandemic that people really loved about the talks that I did, and I think that's why I went to the main stage is I focused on extreme gratitude. You know, you and I are right now on a call together on Zoom. I'm in California and Canada, I'm grateful for the internet provider. I'm grateful for, you know, the the phone I have a device on I'm grateful for the fact that I'm comfortable in my home, I have a home, I have a bed, I have, you know, food in my refrigerator, I have a, you know, toilet, I have running water, I have all these beautiful things that are supporting me that we just completely take for granted. But once you shift into that energy of gratitude, it completely changes that, you know, those problems that we have, the problems are still there, but they become lesser because you think about all the things that are there to support you. And from anything that you've gone through. I mean, I'm a survivor, you're a survivor. The the whole thing with Victor Frankel's work was that the number one thing that defined people who perished and people who did not was hope, it's hope for that next day, it's going to be something different than next day, you can hope and wish for something else. And when your dreams die, it's almost like your soul shrivels up. And that's what I love to work with clients with is to reanimate their dreams, no matter how old you are. And our friend Diana is 81 and she's writing a book, it's doing a podcast and she's gonna be a spokesperson for this. I mean, you know, I look at someone like her and I'm like, You go girl. She's such a freakin inspiration as to what's possible. And she's not doing it because she needs the money. She doesn't do it because she needs anything. She's doing it because it makes her soul sing. And that's what we all what makes your soul thing and makes you happy and brings a smile to your face.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:33:44

Yes, and like when you're driven by passion, and the most amazing things are manifested in your life. And I think that's really beautiful. I was going to ask you for advice. This whole podcast is advice. You know, but I think what you said is really beautiful. And that like Hope keeps you going and you know, you got through the bullying I got through the bullying. You know, we've gotten through the hard times loss and grief and sadness and anger because we have found our passion we have hope. But bringing it back to the bullying piece like what advice do you have for someone who's maybe going through this or they're listening and their kid is getting bullied? What advice do you have?

Barbie Layton: 00:34:30

I think that one of the most important things is that your imagination is something that no one can take away from this advice to people and they've said it's been really helpful you know some people the at being at home you know with alcoholic family members or you know like Christmases or Thanksgiving or Hanukkah experiences that people have, you know, comfortable family situations. If you're in a quiet space either in your room, step into the restroom, you know, even if you're at school and someone is bullying You in school, step into the restroom and find your happy place you need to find a happy place that when you're not stressed out, like my happy place is the US Virgin Islands honeymoon island I was there with my family with my mom's 70th birthday on the Disney Cruise, we were all sitting on a chaise lounge, eating a delicious Caribbean barbecue lunch, we just came come in on a pirate ship, we were snorkeling, the ocean was absolutely gorgeous. So just sitting there with all of us in this beautiful space with the sun shining, that's a happy place for me. So if I'm in a place of where you know, you have this kind of extreme stuff happening, having a happy place within your mind that you can go to no matter what it could be Molly could be on the top of the Swiss Alps, it could be wherever, when you close your mind, or you close your eyes and your mind allows you to go to that happy place for just a moment. And then you take some breaths, you have the opportunity, because the amygdala is challenged. You know, that's where a lot of times tapping is really good. I love the emotional freedom technique, because tapping allows you to be able to start going into the deeper breathing, because the amygdala when you get fight or flight with those bullying experiences, your amygdala shuts you down because you think you have to run away from a saber toothed Tiger and your your breathing becomes really shallow. So physiologically, going into a happy place, even for like a minute, just closing your eyes and imagining yourself there. And then allow yourself to start breathing a little more deeply. I don't know if you remember the Adam Sandler movie Happy Gilmore. Yeah, you're at his happy place where you know, the girl was there, and she had beer, and then his grandma was there. And it's just like, it's like, it sounds like a silly thing. But it's true if you have your imagination that you continue cultivating that almost all the people that I know who end up becoming successful and think about things, they they stay in childlike wonder, and they suspend disbelief, because they're willing to look for miracles in our lives at any age and place. And it's kind of sometimes you know, like, you have a bad hair day. And then the next day, it's Wednesday, and it's like, it's just another day, but it's like, Oh, my God, today is awesome. And then the next day is like, Yeah, not so much. And then the next day is wow. And, you know, it's the whole kind of turning a corner. So I think for parents specifically, and they need to advocate for their children. But it's also, as you were talking about the resiliency factor does also mean that we have to allow people to have their experiences sometimes because in some ways, I'm grateful for these extreme experiences, because I've been able to see the worst of the worst of human beings, but yet still keep my heart open. And love people despite that, because I know that my message can be that of hope to be able to inspire other people to go out there and live their best life, because I'm still a work in progress myself. And but I'm not giving up. I'm not just saying okay, well, this is what I got live, so I'm just gonna have to be satisfied with it. And it is what it is. Those things that we've experienced, there's a message out there, and other people really, really need to hear that, you know, I went through this, but as a result, it made my heart even more open. It made me even more compassionate. It allowed me to practice radical forgiveness, and that resiliency of bouncing back. Most of the time, when you fortify something like when you go on a trampoline, your body basically gets fit because it has to fortify itself. Once you go back into that weightlessness, and your body has to brace for the impact. Your muscles contract in the most beautiful way. And that tightens your skin up in a fantastic way. So like a little rebounder, or vibration plate, people get into great shape for that kind of stuff, because it really forces the muscle to come back even stronger than it was before.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:38:34

I love that. And this this chat was just full of so much wisdom and I'm gonna have to have you back on this podcast. My big takeaway from that was like no one can take away your imagination. And that applies to absolutely all situations. No one can take away that that's, that's in your control. Barbie, thank you so much for coming on radical resilience. You're such a light in such a light in a dark time and light in a lifetime. And I love jamming with you. And if anyone wants to get in touch with her. The links to all of her deets are in the show notes. We'll definitely have her back. You can watch my social media to see all the collaborations that we have coming up together. And remember, you are resilient. It's okay to not be okay. And we are here for you. For us to hear from you and for you. Rock on Thanks.