Together, We Heal! with Kera Sanchez | 017

My husband had also lost his mom about a year prior to losing my mom.

So, like, here we are. We have zero grandmas. Right? And

trying to find people to help watch my

newborn and my toddler while I'm like, hey. I need to go plan

stuff for my mom's funeral. Like, it was just the worst. And so,

honestly, I look back at that summer, and it's a blur, and I really don't

even know how I got through it. It was, like, truly one day at a

time. But I I do remember the acute stage

of grief just being so incredibly painful.

Like, your body truly hurts. Welcome back

to another episode of Resilient AF with Blair and

Alana. Hold the Alana, but hello to Cara.

So Cara yeah. Cara. Oof. This is I'm just so excited. There's just

this episode is guys.

Friends. Folks. Just wait. Just wait. Cara is, like,

one of my most favorite humans, and I'm so honored she's here today. So Cara

Sanchez is a high school dean of students, military wife,

and mom of two who channels her personal journey through loss and advocacy and

empowerment. A passionate mother loss and grief expert, she's the author

of Legacy Letters, a guided journal, and the founder and editor

in chief of Get Griefy magazine and Get Griefy small business

collective, which are platforms dedicated to grief education and

support. Through her work, Cara helps others to find strength in their

stories, turning pain into purpose, and fostering healing and connection.

And what I love about this realm, one,

get griefy, you can read for free online, or you can buy the print

copy. Two, I met Cara over Instagram through a mutual

connection. Shout out to Rhonda Swan. And then her and I met and hit

it off. She's in Resilient AF, Stories of Resilience.

I'm on the cover of her second issue. Yes. Cover Girl of Grief over

here. Hello. Who would have thought? Making mama proud. And

we're launching something so special this week. And Super special.

Super special, but we're gonna get to that. Because first, I wanna talk

about Cara's story. So first of all, Cara,

thanks for joining us after hot Pilates with beautiful makeup.

Trust me. The makeup was not on while I was in the hot room. I

was melting in the hot room, but I came home and quickly got

ready. So we're here, and I'm excited. So this is gonna be great. And you

and I have something very tragic in common. For sure.

Yeah. Actually, we have many things in common, but you

lost your mom. Yeah. Yeah. And that's something that we

bonded over instantly because not only did

we lose a mom, and I know that you've lost your dad as well and

many other people that are very close to you, as well as a future that

was robbed from you. But let's digress. I

think the reason why we bonded is because the way that we chose to

heal. And healing is definitely a

verb. It's an action, and it's something that you have to put in a little

bit every day. But we chose to do that by

creating communities for people and empowering people

to share their stories. And, you know, you're doing that with Resilient

AF in your books and the global resilience community, and I'm doing that with Get

Griefy. And I think when you

find other people who are doing similar things with their

grief, you instantly become bonded with

them. And you you do see that there's, like,

some soul alignment there. And so I feel that with you. Like, we've only known

each other for about a year now. But, yeah, it's

pretty cool to see how our friendship has blossomed, and I did very much

look up to you as a mentor in a way. And it's just been fun

to, like I like when we, we

chat together and we have, like, what you call jam sessions. Right? And we're just,

like, throwing ideas back and forth with each other because,

ideally, I do think that that's, like, a way to deal with grief is creating

a purpose from it, and that's what we're doing. And so for me, it's been

so healing. Yeah. And and I just wanna say, like, Cara, I know

you have 400 jobs, like mom to young kids, wife,

dean, and editor in chief and

running a collective. But let me tell you, if you were

available to hire to manage my marketing, you're

hired because you put out some of the funniest, most creative,

dark humor grief posts. And, like, I sometimes,

like, have, like, legit LOLs, like like,

cackles because your brain is just I love the way your brain

works. And I, yeah, I just wanna

say, like, you guys need to follow her on social media. And it's so funny

because now our friendship has evolved to, like, texting back and forth. And,

basically, we're Thelma and Louise, Pinky and the Brain, and we'll get to that. We'll

get to that. But let's talk about let's talk about Laura.

Yes. Well, so Tell us about your mom. Tell us about your mom

and and, and, you know, your

journey together. For sure. Well, so, like, you know, it's kinda funny that

you bring that up, my cope my coping mechanisms because

a spitfire and just one of the funniest people I knew.

And she had no filter. So, like, whatever came

through Laura's brain, she said it out loud. Even on

professional places, my mom was also an educator. And sometimes she

would rub people the wrong way by just saying whatever she

needed to say, but it needed to be said. And so there

is a sliver of that in me. So, like, if you can imagine

like, I'm I'm not even joking. That's a sliver because there are some things that

my mom used to say that would just make my my jaw drop. Right? I'm

like, oh my god. I can't believe you just said that. So, if, yeah, you

think that my stuff is dark and funny and silly, like, you would

have just been rolling with my mom because that was the type of person

that she was. She was just so vibrant and full of life,

very sparky. At her

funeral, we actually had people, like, submit, like, like, a a word

for a word bubble. You know you know what I'm talking about? Like, a word

cloud kind of thing? Or, like, everyone puts, like, a word in, like, a descriptor

or a noun or something that you you would associate with her, and we turned

it into, like, a big sunshine or whatever. And, like, just the words that were

on there were cracking me up because that was my

mom. It was just she was she was a nut. Totally.

Such a nut. Well, I love that that nut made you a mini

nut or maybe a big nut. Yeah. We always say the apple doesn't

fall far from the tree. So I did not fall too far, but I'm I'm

still yeah, my roots do not

go as deep as hers because, man, she was she was goofy. But

yeah. Oh, I love that. And and

how did Laura leave this Earth? So this is

I mean, I could go on forever about this, but I'll keep it nice and

short. Basically, we don't know a % what happened to her,

but she passed away while she was on vacation. She was in

Italy. She had just arrived in Italy, and she was

there for about twenty four hours and just saying that she wasn't feeling well.

And, she decided to stay back in the hotel room while

everyone else kinda went out and explored this trip that she was on. She was

with a lot of people. She was with, like, 20 friends and my dad. And

everyone else kinda went out to grab some food and was walking around exploring, and

then they went back to go get her and say, like, hey. Like, let's let's

let's get you dressed. Let's go out for the night. And, you know, she that's

she passed. She just had gone. And so it was completely

shocking to everyone. No one understood. Like, it just didn't make

sense. It's not like she was extremely sick or anything like that. It just was

a very sudden quick thing. And this also occurred

five days after I gave birth to my youngest daughter. So it was just

it's never a good time to lose somebody, but, seriously, like, it

was the worst. So yeah. Crazy. First of

all, I can't even imagine what that would have

been like for your dad and your parents'

friends. Yeah. Yeah. And can I make a dark

humor comment? Yeah. For sure. Do you think it was one of those situations

where your mom maybe was like you know how, like, sometimes you eat something so

good? You're like, oh, that was so good. I can just die.

Maybe. It was the pasta. It was the

pasta. Not about the pasta. Do you know that? I

do. Vanderpump. Vanderpump Rules is one of my and, like, honestly,

I'm mourning that situation that we're you know, they're moving on and casting new

people. Like, that's I'm not okay with that. That's a whole another grief. That's a

whole another episode. But, like, I I

think that's, like, there's so many layers of tragedy to your mom dying in

on vacation and, like, you know, it happening, it coming

out of nowhere. You just gave birth. You're on the other side of the world,

you know, having to get your mom back to America. Right? America?

And, like, what

what? Like, I can't even wrap my head around on, like, the the

logistics and the layers of complication. Oh my gosh.

That summer was, like, truly a clusterfuck because, like, I'm in, you know,

postpartum. I have my older daughter who's a toddler.

Yes, trying to figure out already sir was he away working?

No. No. No. No. My so my husband was prior military and then was living

civilian life for, like, you know, eleven years. And so he just

decided to go back in recently. So this is like a recent development,

coming back into the military life. But,

yeah, it it was absolutely bonkers. And, you know,

my husband had also lost his mom about a year prior to losing my mom.

So, like, here we are. We have zero grandmas. Right? And

trying to find people to help watch

my newborn and my toddler while I'm like, hey. I need to go plan

stuff for my mom's funeral. Like, it was just the worst. And so,

honestly, I look back at that summer and it's a blur and I really don't

even know how I got through it. It was, like, truly one day at a

time. But I I do remember that acute stage of

grief just being so incredibly painful. Like,

your body truly hurts. You know? I love it. I

love it. Grief is painful. And I think, like,

with mother loss because my mom died very fast, but not

as tragic like, not in the same tragic way. Like, I guess all I think

all loss is tragic in in some level. It's a spectrum. Yeah.

But because we come from our moms, like, literally, we're there's an umbilical

cord. Like, we're so attached to them. Mhmm. Like, I know when our when

my mom died, it's like a part of me died. Oh, for sure. A part

of me died, and I was just like, I am never going to be the

same. And, like, it was just so earth shattering because, like, I've had

other loss too, but the mom, it's like you're you're literally like, you're grown you

you're grown inside her, and there's a huge eagle circling right now, and it's

like sunrise. Every time I talk I got goosebumps.

Yesterday, I had a couple calls, and every time I talked about my mom, the

eagle would fly by. I can't I can't even I got gooseies.

She's saying hi. Someone I heard called them spirit bumps, and I kinda like that.

Oh, I like that too. Fearful. She's for sure saying hi. She's saying hello.

Woo. I love it. I just sorry. Okay. The, I digress. The eagle, I looked

out the window. I live in the mountains in British Columbia, so and near a

river. So I see eagles all the time, but very seldomly from

my office. Like, usually, it's by I'm by the river. So

it just now happened a couple days in a row. And yesterday, I saw them

a few times. Signs. But, like,

it's interesting that you, you know, you went through it in the order you went

through it. Like, you just gave birth to your second child, and then that happened.

Mhmm. Because it's really like, I I don't even know. I mean,

I don't know how you did it because, like and then you probably just were

you were in survival mode, and you just had one day at a time, but

I feel like you're probably at one moment at a time. Yeah. And, like, I

don't have kids, but, like, I and we struggled with fertility and told

we couldn't get pregnant, got pregnant, miscarried. And Dave

died, my father-in-law, three weeks later, and I was like, we can do this. Like,

we can have kids. And my husband's like, I don't know. My dad's not around.

And then I was like, but we have my mom and your mom. And, like,

my dad was dying, but I was like, we have our moms. And then when

my mom died three months later, we learned she was terminal, and she died three

days after learning she was terminal. But as soon as we learned she was terminal

inside me, of being a mom died because I was like, we're not gonna

have support. And I don't wanna do this without my mom. Like, I pictured, like,

taking my baby down with Baba Sharon to Palm Springs and, like, you

know, my mom being, like, the typical Jewish Baba. And, like, I

pictured this having this child with

her. And I think,

like, miscarriages are very painful, but

deciding and not having a a so I the idea of being a mom died.

I waited a whole year before, like, fully, like, putting an IUD in and, like,

deciding. But I also like and

I don't even know how to say this, but, like, it's like the miscarriage was

a blessing because I don't know how I would've navigated all

of that with being pregnant and having a newborn. Mhmm.

Like, I don't know how you did it. Like, I couldn't even take care of

myself. Yeah. No. I get that. And, like,

there was a part of me I can totally resonate with that. Like, when

my mom died, like, nothing made sense in the world, and so it was

very confusing. And it was just like, you kinda just wanted to hit the reset

button, and you're like, no. Like, I can't I can't do this without her. You

know, I can't continue on without her. And so, you know, there there's a piece

of you that's just like, I you're

submitting to it. Like, I cannot do this. I cannot do this. And

getting to the other side of, you know, I can do this, that that was

where I started to feel empowered by it. But getting there

wasn't easy. No. And I I there's no, like, guidebook that's gonna get

you there. It's I mean, I can tell you, like, there was, like, my so

as soon as my mom died, my aunt mailed me a book from Amazon, and

that helped. I read a book. But nothing there's like, the only thing

like, you have to want to feel better and put effort in.

And sometimes knowing that you wanna feel better and you can't put effort in is

effort enough, but there is no manual

on mending any of this. And

I reached out to a few people who lost parents when it happened

because I don't have a lot of friends who've lost parents. Now that's

changing. But the one

constant piece of, like, advice was that over time, you'll start to feel

better. Yeah. Yeah. And, like, and

I think, like, if you're listening to this and you're about to go through losing

your mom or someone you love, the pain is intense.

And you have to want to feel better, but it's gonna take time. Like, it

took me about a year to start feeling functional after I lost my mom. And,

also, it was, like, the compound grief of the baby and and Dave. And then

my dad died. So, like, I was sucked right back in, but, like, I remember,

like, at the year mark, I was starting to feel like a real human ready

to go to restaurants, like, leave the house, like, walk around the

block. And then my dad died, and I went right back into my grief hole.

And that's okay too. But when you're responsible for other

humans Yeah. That looks a little different because you can't just

lie in bed. Yeah. Well and, like, that's the part that

was really, really challenging too is, like, not only was I responsible for

humans, but, you know, prior to this year, I was actually in the

classroom. And so I had to truly, like, put on a

show, like a little tap dance while I'm feeling, like, dead inside

to get these kids engaged and, like, sucked into, like, hey, like, we're learning

stuff today. You know, we're learning Spanish today. And so,

man, trying to do your job while you feel

like that is What? No easy feat. What? Because you have a

so our lives are different in that sense where, like, my I'm self employed. Mhmm.

And my boss was a bitch and did not give me time off.

I took what I needed. I I took the time I needed, but I I

wish I would have had some sort of bereavement leave. But, like, if I don't

work, I don't make money, which is how I'm now planning for the future, making

sure there's, like, a little fund. How long was was your

work able to give you time off? So because it was summer.

Yeah. I was in a a unique situation because it was the summer, and then,

I was able to take my maternity leave at the beginning of the school year.

So I did not have to go back to work until about, like, the October.

And they did give they should give us grief leave like maternity

leave. Birth and death. Yeah. For sure. Also,

you're probably your your maternity is a lot shorter than in Canada.

Canada, I think it's, like, eighteen months. Yeah. So I'm lucky that I

work in a district where, they give us six weeks, but

normally, teachers in The United yes. Normally, teachers in The United

States, they have to use all of their accumulated sick

time. So that's how they use it. So, like, I was able to use my

accumulated sick time and the six weeks that they gave me. So it ended up

being around, like, twelve weeks or something. What do you do with a six week

old baby when you go back to work? I can't wrap my head around that.

Where do they go? It's crazy. Do they do there are there day cares that

are are moms? Yeah. There are, but, like, oh my gosh. Don't even get me

started on how much daycare is. Okay. We won't go down that route, but, like,

just so you know, in Canada, it's, like, twelve to eighteen months. Like

What? Yeah. And and, like, I think to

move. I don't have kids, but there's, like it's parental leave.

So the dad you can split it with your dad or the with the dad.

With the dad. Yeah. And I know a lot of friends who do that. Like,

the mom will take the first year and then go back to work, and then

the dad will take time or they split it so they're both home together.

Yeah. I I I think that that's something that needs to get changed. But Yeah.

Our country sometimes are very different and very the same. But,

so Laura dies. Yep. You bring

life into the world. Laura dies. You go back to work.

You're making your way through the world, and then you

start a grief magazine? Kind of. What a response.

Yeah. There was so there was, like, a a time in between

there where I did do things for myself. Like, I was doing passion projects for

myself because, grief brings on these really crazy

ruminations, and you think very deeply about life. And I

was just perplexed by the fact that, like, one day,

this is going to be my children and me. Like, I'm gonna

be the one that they're bearing, and my kids

are gonna feel like crap. And I'm like, oh my gosh. Like, that is

I don't wanna leave them in this position, especially since my mom, you know, passed

so suddenly. We didn't get to have, like, a goodbye, a proper

goodbye or anything like that. And so, I

wrote a guided journal with the purpose of I I truly wrote it

for my children, like, notes that I would want to leave them about little things

about life and very specific odd quirky things. And that was just

like my teacher brain. Like, you know, when I know I have to teach something,

I break it down into very small bite sized pieces so that I know that

my students can understand it. And so that's basically kind of what I did

is this is a huge monumentous task of trying to leave

everything that you would ever wanna say to your children. But breaking it down into

small little things that are sometimes more comical

or sometimes more fun and light, and then there's other things that are deeper

or like life advice or, you know, when you're going through really tough shit, this

is what I have to say for you. And so, I I

did that. I published it by myself. And, I was

having, like, a really hard time trying to sell myself, if that makes

sense. Because I'm like, this is a genius product. Everyone should want this.

And not only is it something that I feel like I did really well,

but it I made it from the heart. But I was struggling

trying to find a platform that wanted to talk more

about these types of conversations. You know,

there's, like, niche podcasts and things like that, but it was really, really hard to,

like, truly have grief

conversations on the regular. Right? And so

that's where my mind started to click that we needed to

create something bigger than just legacy letters.

Because I was connecting with other people online and we were all talking and we're

all we all have these, like, griefy passion projects,

like, things that really the grief changed our

souls and so as a result, it changed it redirected

our purpose. And so all of these people are creating these beautiful things, cards, books,

like, art, like, all this stuff. And I'm like, why isn't there a platform talking

about this and screaming it from the rooftops, giving people who are grieving

more hope. Right? Because that's what you need when you're in, like, the thick

of it. And you're feeling like you can't go on. You need to know that

other people have gone through it and come out on the

other side. And so it was one of those moments where I'm just, like,

in the shower shampooing my hair, and it was just like, I need to start

a magazine. And I literally went downstairs, brewed

myself a cup of coffee, opened up my computer, and started typing. And

my husband was like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm starting a magazine. He's

like, what? I'm like, yeah. I am. He's like, okay. You know? And so

it was one of those things that came to my head and I just did

it. And I didn't stop. Like, I didn't look back. I didn't question it. I

just knew deep down that, like, that was something that needed to happen. So

it was very much, like, inspired action. Like,

I felt inspired and I just did it. And so, yes, I I did

just create a grief magazine out of my grief. It was

about, like, a year year and a half in.

And no. I got I don't even know. I can't even do math. It was

It's okay. It's happening. Last year. So last year when I did it, my mom

was a little bit in. A little bit in. Yeah. I think it's amazing.

It's quarterly. You know, you it's very beautiful. It's not like a

we're kinda talking about favorite magazines and how it's kind of, like, maybe the cosmo

of grief, but, like, less tips on blowjobs.

Right? Maybe we can squeeze that in there. I don't I can tell

you that when you're deep in grief, that's not what you wanna be doing. No.

Absolutely not. But, like, it's really beautiful. Like, it's

real like like I said, Kira, you're for hire. I mean, I wanna hire

you. Like, you're amazing. And what's really cool is that,

like, the resilient AF is, like, we are sharing stories of

people overcoming life's greatest challenges. And I like to say what we're doing

is kinda like a textbook for resilience. Mhmm. You know, and we define

resilience as bouncing forward from a challenging experience. In grief, you don't really

I would say you don't really bounce forward. Hi. Hello,

people of the Internet. They they're, like, so curious. They're just, like, sitting on a

chair. What's going on? Well, she's she's

gonna follow in your footsteps. Hey. I have to finish this.

Okay? I love real life. It's we're good. We're good. You

want water? How about this? Can I get you water in a second?

Yes. Okay. For those of you who can't see, we have a little visitor on

the screen. So we share stories, and

we, you know, share advice. And so Kara and I not only

developed this, like, beautiful friendship, but we are

talking and just talking about how we're meant to heal as

community. Right? We're meant to heal in community. We're meant to we're

like, humans are naturally social, and we're not meant to

go through stuff alone and be in silos. Mhmm. And so

she came up with a cool idea about the first issue for

2025, which is the issue that's out this week for Get Greasy.

And it's all about collaboration. Yes. And

you're and you're currently listening to the co editors in

chief or co editor in chiefs? Yes. That is very true. The co

editors in chief? I don't know what that plural of that is.

Do you? You're a teacher. That's a good question. I'm a speechwriter. The co

editor in chief. We're just the co Yeah. That's the Yeah. And,

you know, we we we've celebrated the launch of the next book, Resilient

AF Stories of Resilience volume two in New York together. And

we're greasing the cover, and it's all about collaboration where we brought

our community of authors and your community of, the

collective, your get is it called the Get Greasy Business

Collective? Small Business Collective. Yep. Good. Yeah. Yeah. But if you're a big business,

you can join too. Yeah. It it just because we say small business doesn't mean

it's, like, for small Yeah. People or small ideas or small business. It's, like, for

big people. We're big people. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's it's

beautiful because we've now, like, brought our communities together

because together, we heal. Mhmm. Yeah. No.

A %. And, like, that's been a common theme that I've

noticed among a lot of people is that it's not

that misery loves company. It's like that you

just want to feel seen and heard, and you want to

connect with other people that are also having a hard time because,

yes, exactly what we said, together we heal. And so it

just feels good to be around other people that get it.

Not like we it feels good that, like, oh, good. Someone else is

there. But it's you're just having that that

connective moment, like, you're a shared human experience. And so I think that

that's the really cool part about it. So Yeah. So you could buy

it on your website. All the links are in the show notes. It's is it

jaggery fee magazine dot com? Mhmm. Yep. And that's her

social handles as well. You can also read it for free. The print copy is

pretty awesome. Like, I love having it around. It's actually interesting. I was

on a call with someone that you introduced me to, and she, like, lifted it

up. She's like, it's you. I know everything about you. And I was like, that's

so weird. But, like, I also, everyone knows everything

about me because I'm an open book. So it's like, that's not weird, but it

was just kind of like, oh, yeah. But I I

collaborating. It's about growth. It's about empowering more people to

share their stories of grief, the different types of grief. You know,

this issue has some really interesting phenomenal articles.

And, yeah, it's it's really fun, and we

invite you to check it out. And, you

know, the other issues are are archived on the website, So

you can actually go and read the other issues too. And, like, they're just it's

just so phenomenal. And the grief

community, as in the people in in the expert space, but also the

grievers, like, we're all grievers. Like, the world's a griefy place.

Yeah. We're all experts in our own lives. So I feel like we all have

a voice to share, and we all have a story to share. And so I

think that that's the cool part about it is that it's not just, like,

people with prestigious degrees giving us advice,

which there are people who It's a mix. Are involved. Like world renowned

producers and experts, but there's also humans, like you

listening here going through stuff, went through stuff, who have of

who who have a voice to you know, a voice.

We all have a voice, and we all have the ability to share and tell

stories. And what a gift to have a print publication because,

you know, there's this you know, out there, everyone's like, oh, the print media is

dead, but it's not. And, like, I'm in the public relations space. Like, that's my

training. And there's just something tangible about holding a magazine.

And if, you know, having it on your table coffee table and someone flipping through

it or putting in the bathroom for a party so people have something to, like,

escape to or poop with. You know? And, like, read the

magazine. Like, buy the print, put it on the table. You know, maybe you wanna

advertise in it, but Cara's building something really fucking

special. And I'm just so honored to call her, like, one of

my griefy besties. For sure. No. This has been so

fun to, like, collaborate together and work together and just talk about our

experiences together. Mhmm. And it's been a

ride. It's a wild ride. Yeah. I love it. It's amazing.

So, as we wrap up, again, click all the links in the

show notes. Go to get griefymagazine.com to buy the issues of current and

past. Read them online for free. Share them with people in your life. If someone's

going through something, share the link. Like, one of the best things that,

was given to me in the, you know, wake of my mother's grief was a

book. Yeah. And, you know, so the and the magazines are

free. The some the other person just well, you can actually even download them and,

like, give them the PDF, but, like, they just need the link. Yeah.

And I would love for you to share a piece of advice for someone

who's going through something similar, maybe someone who suddenly loses their

mom. Yeah. You know, I I was, like, actually thinking

about this on the way to Pilates is,

like, what would I share with somebody who is going through it?

And I think that in this

community, in this space, sometimes we we like

to allow ourselves to give each other grace and give ourselves grace.

And I think that that's important for sure. But there are other

days where, much like a workout, you do

have to push through if you wanna get stronger.

And it's gonna be painful and it's not it's gonna be uncomfortable.

Mhmm. But you still have to do it. Right? So it's very

like, I know you talk about resilience muscles. It's, like, kind of the same thing.

Like, with grief, you can't just, like, rot in bed all

day long. So, like, if Well, you can for a few days. You can. Yes.

That's not what I'm saying. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that,

yes, you can rot. You're not gonna get better by rotting in bed. Forever. Right.

And so, like, eventually, you have to make that conscious decision to okay. Today,

I'm gonna do ten ten minutes of something productive, and maybe the next day, it's,

like, an hour or something productive. Like, just slowly build off of it.

And I think that would be my advice because eventually,

you're going to get to the point where you are more productive than rotting. And

then you're gonna look back and be like, woah. How did I get here? And

so, the routing is very much like an

essential piece of the grief, but, like, just don't stay there would be my

advice. Yeah. I I think that's beautiful advice. And I just wanna share a quick

analogy, and I I think I've I don't actually know if I've shared this on

here, but I was doing some healing and I was doing a

visualization, and there's this concept called nurse logs. And in

the forest, when a tree dies or falls down and,

like, dies, it actually starts to grow new

life coming from it. And they're called nurse logs because of all the nutrients and

the stuff and loss, and it's kind of, like, in the circle of life thing.

Yeah. And that's kind of, like, a great visualization of grief for me. It's like

you fall down, and then over time, there's this new growth,

this new life that comes from you because you're never going to be the same.

Mhmm. And I think, like, you know, that's like the tree rotting.

Like, go be the tree that rots on the forest floor and then let new

life start to grow. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. That is so

true. Yeah. I just I you know, it's not like I I'm saying that

anyone encourages people to rot. That's not what I'm saying. I just think that,

like, sometimes we, like, overextend and we're like,

it's okay. It's okay. And it's like, at some point, you do have to make

a a decision to do something that's not rotting. Yeah. Well, I

mean It's a balance. You have to do what's you have to do what's right

for you. You have to know your body. You have to know, like, where you're

at in your journey. But I would my biggest piece of advice is just not

rot forever. Yeah. Don't rot forever. Yeah.

Just be a nurse log, take a minute, grow some plants.

True. Plant ladies here. Plant ladies. I love it. Oh my god. Carrie, you're

amazing. And thank you for coming on this show with me.

No. Thank you. This has been fun. I'm glad we could make it work.

Yeah. And to everyone out there who spent some time with

Kara and myself and who's been listening or who's just discovering us for

the first time, you're welcome. Thanks for joining

us. And just remember, like, it's okay to not be okay.

Like, grief is shitty. Life is full of beautiful times,

hard times. Right. Yeah. And you're gonna get through the hard times. You just need

to put one foot in front of the other when you're done temporarily rotting

on the couch, and you will get through it. You're not alone, and it's

completely okay to not be okay. I you know, we are we're human. That's

part of being a human. And know that we are

that lighthouse in the storm for you and that we are here to help you

through it. And friends, just remember, you are resilient

AF.