Joy, Cats and Accutane

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:00

trigger warning, the Resilience Project provides an open space for people to share their personal experiences. Some content in this podcast may include topics that you may find difficult, the listeners discretion is advised.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:19

Hello friends, welcome to radical resilience, a weekly show where I Blair Kaplan Venables have inspirational conversations with people who have survived life's most challenging times. We all have the ability to be resilient and bounce forward from a difficult experience. And these conversations prove just that, get ready to dive into these life changing moments while strengthening your resilience muscle and getting raw and real.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:49

Welcome back to another episode of radical resilience. It's me Blair Kaplan Venables, and I'm here with my grief gal co host, Alana Kaplan. Hello,

Alana Kaplan: 00:01:01

hello.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:01:04

Today's conversations a bit more lighthearted. You know, we've been talking about things like death, resilience, but there's this whole other duality this whole other side. And so today, we're going to talk about joy and finding joy. And it's interesting, because like, I've made like, a couple months ago, I was thinking a lot about it. And on my big trip, I was doing some work with entrepreneurs. And I realized, like, I want to just wake up and feel happy. And there was a point in my life when I did, but then all the trauma happened. And I know what's possible. And I had a really cool spiritual healing experience where But show me you know, showed me a level of happiness I didn't even know existed. So I know that feelings are out there. So I'm on this very intentional journey, to not just find pockets of joy, but to buy to buy to find things that bring me joy, and have the joy last. So today, we're just going to talk about joy.

Alana Kaplan: 00:02:02

Yeah, and love a good Joy conversation. For me, well, there's some like big things that bring me joy and little things that bring me joy. And I think in the actually one of them as I'm talking is happening right now. It's when my cat does the thing where she wants attention. And she like paws at me, but in a soft way. So that was an that was not what I was going to talk about. But that is definitely something that brings me joy. And then just like finding those little moments and appreciating them as they happen. And mine don't all revolve around cats, but a lot of them do revolve around cats, especially my cat. And as Blair and I were talking today about about podcasting about joy. I just like keep thinking about my mornings and how much I like appreciate my morning cuddle with my cat. And when they do like the cute little things where they nudge their head, or they pause you for attention. It's those little moments, those little like three seconds that can turn my day around, even if it's first thing in the morning. Like if I'm waking up and I'm like, I don't want to get out of bed today. And then Molly, that's my cat gives me a little like head nudge or something like it doesn't make me want to get out of bed necessarily because I've just like but I just want to be with her. But it's just like, she's like, one of the reasons that like, I find happiness and joy in my days. And another thing I want to share. Okay,

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:03:38

before we keep going, I want to know in your opinion, what does Joy mean? And how do you know you're experiencing joy? You like free? Yeah,

Alana Kaplan: 00:03:48

I you know, I don't know if I can define Joy itself, but like I can share the way my body feels when I feel joy. My body is the biggest thermometer indicator of how I'm feeling and like it feels like like I feel warm, but not in the way that like I'm sweaty and hot and need to change. It's just like kind of like a surge of warmth in my body and like I can't help but smile like My cheeks hurt from smiling and ya know, I'm just like in this like, happy place and oh my gosh, as I'm talking right now. Blair brings another little moment of joy or ball of joy afraid all the

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:04:34

Frey has come to podcast with us. You can't see but this little fluff ball. Oh,

Alana Kaplan: 00:04:38

so cute. But yeah, for me, it's like this feeling of warmth, this feeling of like, you know when you have a really good hug. Joy feels like that.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:04:48

Haven't had a really good hug in a long time. Yeah, you're really good poo.

Alana Kaplan: 00:04:56

It could be a poo but that feeling Yeah, that would be the I have like a, like a feeling of like relief like, wow, like an accomplishment. That's more. That's purely for me, but But for you, Joy could be a really good pill.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:05:12

I'll talk about my, I want to hear more about you and your journey of joy. And then, well, why don't or I can share, and then we just

Alana Kaplan: 00:05:18

share back and say, I will do a little popcorn style.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:05:21

Popcorn. I love popcorn. Popcorn brings me joy. So joy for me. Like, it's, you know, one of the words that like I wrote down at the beginning of the year was pleasure, like, I want to, like fill my life with more pleasure. And I think it's just the sense of like, my intuition, knowing it just feels right. And that, like, I naturally just have a big smile on my face. And that, like, My anxiety is at rest, my depression is at rest. And I just generally feel like my heart is growing and glowing. And that's kind of what joy feels like, for me and inside. And yeah, I mean, cats obviously bring me joy. And I love that. And it's funny because like, I love my cats, and like buying in bed is great with my cats. But this past weekend I had, it was a friend's bachelorette party. And I was with some of my best friends for three nights, four days. And I just felt like my soul needed that refresh that fill up. You know, I don't live close to these people. And we all got together for a few days. And it just was so nice to have that quality time with my chosen family. So like being with my friends is something that's really important for me. So that's something that definitely brings me joy. All right, back to you popcorn.

Alana Kaplan: 00:06:39

Okay. Something that I've been doing lately is, so Winnipeg has this new cat cafe. It has the best name ever. It's called Cleo Katra. And this cafe like not, I mean, obviously, if it's a cat cafe, I love it. But the ambiance is really cool. Like the decor is really cool. And you can just tell that, like, the owner really loves what he does and is very passionate about it. And so I've been going to this place. And this cat cafe is connected to one of the rescues in Winnipeg. So all the cats are up for adoption. And if you know a little thing or two about cats spring and summer is kitten season, it's when kittens are born all the time. And so a lot of the cats right now are little kittens that are up for adoption. And this place when I tell you it's like I felt the biggest hug of my life going in and having these little three pounders running around. They're all you so when you go there you are given like this. I don't know i This must have be somewhat of a new type of treat, but like it's kind of like the Go Gurt but like in cat treat for

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:08:12

free loves it. He gets it at the vet and goes bananas.

Alana Kaplan: 00:08:15

Yeah, Molly's never had it because Molly has a sensitive tummy. But these cats go crazy. So there was one cat in particular that was like my mission to to warm up to because this cat looked like Molly like had the same beard just like longer hair and everything. And I think it was their first day at the cat cafe. So obviously a little bit scared. But this cat was so excited for the treat that it actually bit me while it was trying to bite the thing. And so I might have a little star who knows if I need a rabies shot. But I think I'm okay I haven't found at the mouth yet. So you're

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:08:57

going to adopt a cat

Alana Kaplan: 00:09:01

I can't right now. But it's killing me not to but this place brings me so much joy and like if you can find a place in your city, or town or village or wherever you live that brings you joy that you know you can go to when you just need that pop of something. Find it. So that's something that's been bringing me a lot of joy lately. Yeah, I've been twice. I love that.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:09:30

It's funny like I really like arts and crafts and I was invited today to go to a place in town that is like you drop in and basically you can do any crafts like drop in and I learned that I can paint pottery so next week I'm going to I met a new friend and we're gonna have a pottery date. Oh, I mean, I don't know what she's doing but I'm gonna paint some pottery and I'm just so excited because I didn't know anything like that existed here. And like I feel like it's gonna give me the same vibes as you at the cat cafe because I love my arts and crafts but I find it really hard to like set up make a mess clean up in my house because what Oh, it's my house. All right, Joy. Well, what else brings me joy? Oh, you know what it's just like those little moments. It's like, I want to hold on to the feeling. I love napping. And I can nap because I don't have kids. So I get to nap. And nothing brings me more joy than when I have a nap, like in the sunshine with like the sun on my face. And so when the sun is on my face, and I wake up and I feel rested, and it's like a slow opening of the eyes, and I just have that warm patch of like relaxation. That is a moment of joy for me.

Alana Kaplan: 00:10:33

I need to add something, because not many of you know this. I mean, you know that Blair loves a good nap. But when we were traveling together in Croatia, Blair DAPT, way more than I did. Granted, she had been on this huge adventure and journey ahead of me, so a lot more tired. But every

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:10:56

time I looked at her, were we and hold on and an injury like an injury.

Alana Kaplan: 00:11:00

Yeah. But every time I looked over to her when she was napping, so every day, she had the biggest smile on her face with their eyes closed. And like you just knew she was having the time of her life and her sleep.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:11:16

I love naps. I think that's funny. I also sleep talk and it's funny because Atlanta started like texting me in the middle of the night when I woke her. And Shane doesn't do that. But like sometimes I'll wake up really tired and like oh, I must have been talking a lot last night. Like I was memory from a couple nights ago. Where like, I don't know what's happening my dream but I screamed it my dream and in real life woke me I love Shane. The cast and like I just did it yesterday I was shaking we had a nap and he was just like a big why you napping? You're off he's like I'm so tired. You were so loud last like I'm very tired do

Alana Kaplan: 00:12:02

so somewhere I can't wait for like that's actually something that brings me joy is like when we're together and a couple of weeks and just hearing what happens in the middle of the night. What's gonna come out of

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:12:15

Oh, yeah, Alana, Alana. Catch. I've been very pleasant sleeper like, I have a different laugh when I sleep. Yeah. Shane said the other day I was talking about dirt and bacon. Oh man. And you know what my mum and dad mum and dad come to me a lot in my dreams the other night didn't tell you this Lana, but two nights ago, the night where I screamed. Dad was alive. I was like, I was in my dream dad was dead. And then he showed up. He's like, No, I'm alive. And he was like the healthiest. I think I'm I mean, I've never seen him so healthy. And it was just so nice to see him like healthy and I don't know I woke up like besides being tired filled with joy when mum and dad or anyone that's passed away comes to me in the dream and my dream. It's it's fulfilling. Like, I'll take it like I don't get them in my wake life. So I'll take them in my dream. I love when they're healthy. I prefer not to dream about them dying, which sometimes happens. I dream a lot like last night I actually had a dream. I was gonna see nirvana.

Alana Kaplan: 00:13:08

So interesting. I actually had this dream kind of brought me a chuckle So not much so much joy. But I guess I've been seeing lots of ads about the Barbie movie.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:13:21

Barbie has the same birthday as Alana.

Alana Kaplan: 00:13:23

Yeah, we're best friends me and Barbie like I like I used to have a treasure chest full of Barbies. And I dreamt that I was in Barbies world but like so another thing you should know about me is I do scroll a lot of TiC tock and a lot of TiC TOCs right now are using that like aI filter to make you look like Barbie. So I guess like it was kind of like that horror episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark when the girl turns into the doll? But it wasn't a whore because I was in Barbie world. And so was Monica and Rachel from friends.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:14:06

Oh, that's a good one. Um, you know, it's interesting that we're talking about this I just thought of something that also brings me joy and and then I forgot about it. So oh, you know what I what also really brings me joy is like, nostalgic moments, like a lot of you really like nostalgia. For me, it's like watching Empire records or like something that like I love from way back when, like, if I turn the TV on and it's a Friends episode, or I hear a song on the radio that takes me back to high school. Like, I love those moments that transport me back to a moment that gave me joy. Because life was just so different back then and more simple really. And, you know, I really liked that and I think you know a lot of things bring me joy. I don't know if I've ever shared this on the podcast, but I feel like I definitely have and I I've talked about it on social media, but when I was doing some medicine work some healing, I had a happiness explosion. Basically, this medicine I use I was taking basically made me feel like I was at the edge of this cliff overlooking this like lush forest jungle and my arms were spread, and I basically shot rainbows and butterflies out of my heart, like a Care Bear Stare. And so that level of happiness like was a high level I'd never experienced and knowing that what is possible, it gives me this hope to keep going. So when I wake up and feeling like Oh, another day or what's going to happen today, or I'm feeling really depressed, knowing that those feelings are out there, helps me search for it. And I'm not actively searching for it. I'm going about my life, but I'm more intentional. And so there's big joys like cats and me smiling in my sleep and my friends and family time and whatever else we do, like you know you bring me so much joy Alanna like spending time with us hilarious. We like maybe like 1% of the time and it's usually a Becker but like we get along well, we laugh really hard and like Lana maybe listened to a podcast episode, sometimes she wants to like put tick tock on the or YouTube on the TV. And I'm, that's where I kind of draw the line. You sometimes want to just watch movie previews.

Alana Kaplan: 00:16:22

I love movies trailers.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:16:24

But I've really started to notice while I'm on this pursuit of pleasure, this pursuit to wake up and feel happy again, like just naturally wake up feeling happy, is in my day, I'm taking more moment more time to pause in those moments that I noticed beauty. So like, if I'm at my computer and I see a butterfly fly by I'll take it, I naturally am taking time to notice it. Or if I see a beautiful cloud or you know things in my day that I noticed that are beautiful, like maybe my cat looks really cute while they're sleeping. I'm actually pausing to take it in and I really think that's helping me rewire my brain for pleasure and joy.

Alana Kaplan: 00:17:03

Totally, I mean, that makes a lot of sense. Our brains are so wired right now to like keep the negatives and kind of like poopoo the positives. And so taking those moments to really be intentional about those moments of joy or happiness or humor or whatever it is. It is really helpful and it does help rewire the brain.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:17:25

Let's do a quick lightning round of like listing a few other things that bring us joy. So I'll save something and you say something. Nope, no explanation.

Alana Kaplan: 00:17:33

Okay.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:17:34

Massages

Alana Kaplan: 00:17:37

I was gonna ssay cats again, survivor

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:17:39

Cookie dough blizzards

Alana Kaplan: 00:17:41

Oh. Oh, getting my nails done. Sorry, I'm really pedicures. pedicures. pedicures are nice.

Alana Kaplan: 00:17:54

summerhouse

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:17:55

fresh flowers.

Alana Kaplan: 00:17:59

A bowl of Cheerios.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:18:01

Baba Leya Oh guys, Alana so easy to please. Let's send her joy.

Alana Kaplan: 00:18:16

Send be Cheerios in survivor

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:18:18

Alana had a survivor theme but mitzvah?

Alana Kaplan: 00:18:20

I did. I will always hold on. We gotta keep going on our lady. Yeah, okay. Um, I really love Shabbat dinners with my family.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:18:31

sparkles like all things sparkles, sparkly makeup, sparkly clothes. I have glitter boots, like all things shimmery and sparkly.

Alana Kaplan: 00:18:39

bubble baths.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:18:41

Ooh, good one. Me too. And Whoo, paddleboarding. Whoo. Good

Alana Kaplan: 00:18:48

one who walks with music?

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:18:52

Camping. Nice to know why this is so hard

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:18:58

animal print.

Alana Kaplan: 00:18:59

No animal prints could

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:19:01

I wear I have a lot of leopard. i

Alana Kaplan: 00:19:04

Oh, sweatpants. Elastic pants.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:19:09

Oh good one. Okay, should we each come up with one more? Doing this podcast with you.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:19:19

Oh, geez. Cake. Oh, gee. Nice cake or cheese cake. genies. Cake is cheese cakes. Mine.

Alana Kaplan: 00:19:28

Can I can I have a bonus? Yeah. Honey, dill sauce.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:19:32

Oh, yeah. I can just tell you though, like, cheese cake. I love and it brings me so much joy. It also brings me so much pain in my stomach. But it's worth it. There's so many more things that bring me joy. But it's actually kind of nice to do this and we're laughing and I think that's really important because like life is full of these really difficult moments. But there's also all these other moments of joy and duality. And I don't know I think this is a really great conversation. We should do more. Yeah.

Alana Kaplan: 00:19:57

Yeah. Look, we can see how Happy to

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:20:00

wear my condo our mental health. This does not bring me joy. I mean, it's interesting, like, I just started Accutane.

Alana Kaplan: 00:20:10

Me too. Yeah, three weeks ahead of Blair

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:20:13

am, but it's funny because like, they're like, oh my cause depression. I was like, but I already have depression and I'm managing it. So hopefully not. But I'm like, But you know what won't cause depression, clear skin.

Alana Kaplan: 00:20:29

Clear Skin for the first time since I was 12 years old.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:20:32

You know, I think it's funny to end on this note, mom, our mom would never let us go on Accutane. We both had terrible skin like, bad skin since I was 10. Like acne, back knee like and like I go through phases. And I just did two rounds of minocycline. And the doctor was like, Yeah, we're like, minocycline doesn't get rid of the acne forever. Just while you're on it. I'm like, why the heck did you put me on it like I have. So now I'm on now I started Accutane. But it's not obviously, like the best for your liver. But like me, there's a lot of things I do, or did, and our mom wouldn't let us go on it. And I think it's also because it was not cheap. But the fact that like, we're like mom is no longer here. Let's go down.

Alana Kaplan: 00:21:11

So we'll meet up in a few weeks, but the Darius lips possible, but our skin will be looking good. So

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:21:18

if you have recommendations for things for our lips, please send them our way. Or if you want to share with us what what brings you joy. Let us know

Alana Kaplan: 00:21:29

for your Accutane experience, as I like to call it if I like to ask people if they were an accurate teen. Because lots of my friends took them when they were teenagers. Yeah, it would have been way more convenient, would have been way more convenient. Oh, on that note,

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:21:46

Alana, you can't see us but sooner skin will be very clear. And we will have a little bit more joy in our life because we are on the word joy hunters were Joy havers. So thank you for joining me, Alana.

Alana Kaplan: 00:21:58

Thank you for having me. Together with you in spirit.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:22:04

Yeah, and thank you to everyone who tuned in for another episode of radical resilience. You know, we're putting together our second book. So if you have a story of overcoming life's challenges, which you do, we'd love to share it your story can help someone through their challenge your story sharing, it might help you heal. We want to be that lighthouse in the storm. We are here for you. You do not have to walk your challenge alone. We have merchandise. We have the global Resilience Project book. We have our website with stories. We have social media, we are doing cool things. We're going to be on Amazon Prime soon. We're going to be at the Emmys. We're doing some cool things and we just want to spread resilience around the world because you know what? You are resilient. Thanks, friends.