Her Missing Dad with Saskia Christian | 016

Welcome back to another episode of Resilient

AF. Today, Alana is not here with me, but you know who

is Saskia Christian. I am so excited because she is

another resilience expert. She's an accomplished executive trainer,

trauma and global resilience life coaching expert, has a remarkable

background, very extensive. All of her information is gonna be the

show notes, but she has over seventeen years of corporate visionary engineering leadership

experience. She excelled as a technical leader. However, her path

took an unexpected turn, leading her to become a renowned training executive,

trauma healing and resilience coaching consultant, speaker, author, and the

founder of Boost Thru. You can read her story of resilience and resilient

AF stories of resilience. And I'm so

honored to have her here today. So welcome, Saskia.

Well, well, well, thank you so much, for that warm welcome.

It's just really an honor to be on this platform. I couldn't

wait. I can't believe I'm now here. I love

it. It's it's amazing, you know, Especially because when we

first talk I remember having our first meeting because I was at a business

conference in Colorado, and I went to my hotel

room and, well, my my, like, little cottage. And I remember calling

like, having a call with you thinking, wow. Like, what an amazing woman. And

who would have thought, you know, over a year later, we'd be having this conversation

for, you know, all those to see and listen to. And I really

wanna, you know, talk about one of your stories of resilience, which

is when you found out your dad was missing, and he wasn't going to get

a chance to meet your husband and your son. Do

you wanna tell us a little bit about your story? Yes. Yes.

Absolutely. And that's, I'm so glad that you, asked about

that. That was a story that I did share in the Resilient Data

Dev chapter of that amazing book

that's supported by this platform. And so it

really, that time really did shake me.

I was shaken to the core because for the first

time, I actually felt, like,

deeply really emotional grief

that just wouldn't stop because there really wasn't

any closure. So it really did hit, like, my mental

health and just really overall well-being

in terms of opening up to people because I just

felt that no one really understood

really what I was going through, the pain, the

intensity of the pain I was going through that time. And

so it really did, underscore

that not having closure is really,

really, adds

significant impact on the grief that you're experiencing.

So that's something that carried me for many for several years

since my father, been missing in my birth country of Guyana,

and I managed to, just move to a different

state and all even after all of that. And,

unfortunately, my husband or my son never had the opportunity

to meet, my dad. Saw him

in pictures. He saw them, but never the meeting that

I really wanted, for them to understand really where I came

from. You know, my parents were married and got divorced,

before the age of 10. And so I was living really, like, in a a

regular home, regular family home. So I knew both of

my parents well. So that's why even though

I've lost track or wasn't really in contact so much with my dad

over the years, he did stay in contact somewhat, but not as frequent

out as I would like. It's because of

that, you know, foundation those foundational years, right,

where he was instrumental in my upbringing

that really did take take a toll on me, that pain.

And so I'm just grateful for the,

all the instruments, all the tools, the resources, and the strategies

that I have gained as a trauma and resilience,

life coaching consultant. Right, because I was really intentional

in saying, okay, this grief really stays with me.

Right? I don't want another person to be hurting like this

because we all have different tolerance. Some people really just can't take

it anymore, and they just will just leave the Earth.

Right? That's a decision that it's a painful one,

that we often say, oh, wow. I wish if I could, I wish if

I this, I wish if I that. But then often how often

do we really look back and see the things that we could have done,

really, and be intentional in terms of doing those things so that

another person wouldn't necessarily, you know,

suffer like that or maybe decide to take their own life. And in my

particular case, I'm a woman of faith. So that helped

me. That's how what kept me grounded. Yeah.

And wasn't for that. I'm not sure if I'll be here.

So Wow. Wow. Thank you. Thank you so much for

sharing. And I can't even imagine what that would have been like. If

you're okay with it, I'd love to go a little deeper. I have a few

questions for you. Sure. No problem. When was it that

your father went missing? So that

would have been, say, roughly

2018, '20 '19 or so. And That's

the last time I lost, I lost contact with him. And and

do you know what happened? Like, what are the possible

scenarios? Like, he was in Guyana. How did he how did he go missing? Like,

what can you walk us through that a bit more? Because some of us,

you know well, some a lot of us have never experienced that.

And Yes. Yeah. So, like, I would

I would I'd say and thank you for asking. It's really, difficult for

me to speak on even you know? And you're

the most you're the easiest person to speak to.

But yet I just share what you like. Don't if you, you know, you get

to Yeah. Yeah. So I think with my with my dad, like I said,

we weren't really, very, very close. He would call, you know,

occasionally I would call, you know, but, for some time,

I didn't hear from him. And then when he called, it was a very,

it was very distraught. So I can see that there was

some mental, you know, mental struggle at that particular

time, and, you know, talking about his neighbors and,

you know, not trusting

them and those things. And he was living with someone. He had a spouse.

And so I said, okay, anything you need. It

was really hard for me to, just be on the other side of the world

asking, you know, someone in so much pain

Mhmm. What they needed.

Right? And so, and, of course, quite a bit of

that. Some of that I'm gonna bring out in my book that I have coming

up on The Power Within, my first solo book, where

I just go through everything, all the stories, in

my journey, my personal stories, that caused me to really

navigate from adversities and to triumph and

just do more than survive or thrive. That's really resiliency.

But yes. So with my dad, called, you know, that one, you know,

Sunday call, it really did shake me to the core, and I

had no idea. I felt so helpless because I

wanted to do so much, but there's really nothing. Somebody's talking to me.

I can barely recognize them. There's nothing I can do.

I'm asking different things, and it doesn't seem as though anything

was the solution really, to the ASU.

And so after that, it was just

it just just vanished. Right? It just vanished.

So and, you know, I asked the spouse, really, what's going on? And it's like

he couldn't locate them. And I don't know if he's, you know,

streets of Georgetown, I have no idea. Wow. But people try to

look out for him and try and even send

people to look for him.

And just no sort of, I'm so

sorry. It's okay.

It's one of those things where it made

me into the person who I am and

the compassionate person, the person who is authentic, and

understand that there's a deeper layer than when you just watch a particular person.

It's much deeper than that, much more complex than that. And

you are to take the time as much as you can and really

inquire about someone else's well-being and not just take it for

granted that everyone is okay or pretend

that everyone is okay because everyone is not okay. That is

true. I am so

sorry you went through that. I can't imagine the stress, the

sadness, all of the feelings that you went through. Like, that just sounds like

a really, like, painful, scary experience, especially because you

are on the other side of the world. How

over the last few years, how have you,

honored his memory or legacy and

help yourself get to a place of peace? Well,

that's another great question. So thank you so much for creating a

platform that allowed me to really, really honor my

dad, for the intellectual and

just the person who he is or he was. I'm not

sure really what happened if he's with us or or if he's not.

But I'm at peace with that because I, I lead

with to making sure that the world knows exactly who my

dad was, that, you know, he really did love, me and my

sibling. And, he wanted the best for us in terms of,

you know, academics. He led the way there and, my

public speaking and everything. My my, skills,

particularly in my public speaking because my mom is an amazing and

brilliant person as well. And my dad, my pub the public

speaking skills for my dad, I believe we both inherited and I

inherited a lot. So I'm very grateful for that,

and and I'm I'm even more grateful that I'm able to utilize that to

leverage those skills, to give honor to

his name. I let people understand that he did

exist, was a person. Right? Even I have no I have

no idea who he is. He was a person, and he made an

impact on lives and made an

impact on lives. We ended up making significant

impact around the globe. And so

that's that's really my gift to him. And and it wasn't only that, it was

the Amazon bestseller, number one bestseller

book. I coauthored, the

LET presents, stories of world's greatest speakers, by

Sean Fair, visionary, visionary author.

And so, I just happened to be chapter one

of that, talking about signature a year,

about my thank you. About my, signature speech,

development framework. And, of course, my dad was, you

know, front and center of that because

listening to the tapes, listening to, you know, on Sundays,

him, you know, listening to himself

and often wondering, like, why is he doing that? Why

is he listening to himself so many times? And I was like, I couldn't possibly

at that time, it's very young, like, six years. I was like, I couldn't possibly

do something. That seems very difficult to do. And why what's

tell me more about these first of all, wait. What's his name?

Frederick. Tell me more about Frederick and these tapes.

What were on these tapes? Why was he listening to them? Yes. So it

was, some tapes he did for work. He was a manager at

the agriculture development bank. And so everything

about, you know, growing up agriculture, everything to

do with cattle and those things. And we used to, you know, have, like,

summer, summertime where we'd go off because he was a

manager to remote parts of the, country.

Right? And we get to have, like, a summer summer living and,

be well taken care of because we were a manager's kids and those things.

And so listening to that and him, it was

just so the the speech, the verbiage,

every single thing was just so eloquently presented, and I

was, wow. How can he do that? Like, how can he

speak so fluently? And I didn't know that really years later, I

would be doing the same thing. Right? And have

an impact to, you know, have a major impact on so many

people around the globe, having global awards of kindness, empowerment,

and all these things. At that time, I was really being fed the

foundation and, you know, and just I

just naturally run with it, and I'm very grateful for that. So

just having the ability to speak on

that particular, area of, speaking, integrating that

into my my my professional speaking journey

story. Mhmm. It really was a golden

opportunity. Yeah. That that that's really beautiful, and I love

that, like, parts of him live on or, I mean, may he might still be

alive, but parts of him live through you. And I think that's really beautiful because

with my father, like, he's no longer with us. And, I

would say he went missing in a different way. He went you know, who he

was was no longer because of addiction. But as I

got to know him in my later adult life,

I learned there's a lot of parts of him that were very similar to parts

of me. And I didn't know this because he wasn't really around. And I think

that's one of the beautiful things is if we can take away the good from

our parents and and carry forth in this world,

and be of service with those gifts. Like, how

how beautiful is that to you know? And I

know he must be a exceptional human

being. To have daughters, like you and Alana is

just I can only imagine the man that he he

was. Oh. I know that you're doing him great honor in in terms

of carrying on that legacy so well and

they're making an inspiring hope and

resiliency, in in in others. I

think that's really beautiful. Thank you. That's and I I I think what's

really beautiful is for you with your son modeling how

you are able to bounce forward. You know, we define resilience as the

ability to bounce forward and how you are, you know, navigating

this chapter of, like, a career shift and stepping into what

you're stepping into in the face of, like, trauma and adversity.

And I think how old is your son? Oh,

he's seven going on 40. Seven going on

40. I mean, like, how lucky is he to have you as a mom

to be such a a role model of resilience and to see how you

show up in this world. You know, like, that generation is

so lucky. And for you to be someone who has made

this this career, this,

you know, I like to say turning pain into purpose. Yes. You know?

Pain into purpose. Yeah. And, you know, I think it's it's not

something I mean, I believe everyone has it within them

to be able to do that, but not everyone wants to do

that. Some people would rather just put aside and keep going.

So I I wanna thank you for the work that you do because it is

really, really special. What,

like, what do you what do you want to carry forward

with your family, like, from your childhood, the things that, you know, you

experience, like, the happy stuff at home with your dad and traveling for

work? What are some of those traditions that you're carrying forward for

you and your son and your husband and and your life here?

Yeah. I believe the first thing is,

having them understand really that there are no limitations.

Right? We put a lot of limitations in ourselves. I have

been guilty of that. And so when everything

was exposed, and then I realized, oh my gosh. I can

I'm capable of doing this. I'm capable of doing that. Even in the midst of

that pain and that hardship, right,

all my talent was showing out. That's what I

wanna impress on my on my on my on my son particularly

because he's a young one growing up, and I know that my husband wants

to do the same. Mhmm. And so there are no there there are

no, you know, boundaries really with him. It's like

what my son always asks me. He's like, oh, you wrote this book,

so what award did you win today? Oh. It's like,

what's for dinner? What award did you win? Right. Yeah. He's like, so,

mom, how was your day today? After I asked him how his day was and,

you know, and he's like, so so what award did you win today? Oh

my gosh. That's so I know. I was like, so I said, I said, do

you know, solution? I said, you know, illusion,

all these things you can do and so much more. Mhmm. You will do

so much more. I'm just laying the just

laying the foundation there so that you'll understand that everything

is possible. Oh my gosh. Everything is possible with

fate. So that's the person that we are raising. He wants to be

an astronaut, and we said, you know, there's no can't in this

home. You know? It's, you embrace

nothing is impossible for you to accomplish. You all you have

all that you need. You are equipped for

this journey already. And so it's like, oh,

I don't know if I can write all those books. Oh, you'll be doing much

more than that. Oh my gosh. And he has, like, a long life ahead of

him. Right? He's only seven. That's so Exactly. Exactly. So he That's

way ahead than way ahead than I was. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. My

parents divorced when I was seven, and, like, I can't really remember my childhood, but

I found a bunch of diary entries. And it was like, one day I wanna

publish a book of poems. And I was like, who would have thought as an

adult I was publishing books? And I don't know. It's really Yeah. But,

unfortunately, believe in me, it is. Yeah. It is. It's healing.

Right? Mhmm. Yeah. No. Definitely. I love that. Okay. I want

I have a couple more little wrap up questions because we're coming to the end.

First of all, what are you working on now? Like, what does twenty twenty

five have in store for you? Oh, wow. What it doesn't have in

store? So first of all, I am

happy to say that I will be, releasing

my new, book, solo book,

oh, a solo book, The Power Within, you know,

embracing authenticity and,

just sparking a global transformation. That's really

what it is. And it's going to be, be followed up

with several anthologies around the themes that would cover

that in the main book, The Power Within. And

that's really me, the authentic me, the real

me being exposed there for the first time.

And just, people will definitely get a takeaway

that, I was meant. The journey prepared

me to be a global resilience ambassador and trailblazer

because of those circumstances that I have had to

endure and just walk through and come out on the other side, you

know, triumphantly. So, yes, that and then, you

know, the word, like, at the awards, I'm very grateful for my work

being appreciated in such an amazing way.

You know, the Global Society of Female Entrepreneurs, Kindness Awards,

Change Leadership Award, Visionary Audership

Icon, and it's really I say these things not to just

say these things, but to understand that it's all

towards a mission of making sure that people know that they

are capable of becoming the best version of themselves.

Right? They they are capable of that too. So I am

just I just happen to be the poster child

leading the way, right, leading the example. And that's really what those

awards are the you know, it's really true testament of. Right?

Yes. If I can, you can as well because I came

literally from zero. Right? And

so can you. Right? And so we all have it within us,

the superpower and everything, and, it's just such a

gift. And next year, in terms of opportunities, coaching,

consulting, quite a little open. And most importantly, I had an opportunity

of a lifetime to be, a,

celebrity ghostwriter. So I am

beyond, like You're a ghostwriter for a celebrity? Celeb

celebrity ghostwriting initiative I'm now a part of.

And so those opportunities, will be coming,

because I am all signed on, and I am so

You're amazing. Oh, you're amazing. Okay. So if people are people are

listening, they're falling in love with you, they wanna follow you, your book's coming out,

they wanna meet you, where can people find you on social media?

Yes. Absolutely. They can find me on, first of all, my

website, boost true, b o o s t t h r

u, dot com forward slash contact. You can just hit me

up for thirty minutes, sixty minutes consultation.

Mhmm. And so we can explore your needs and how we can actually help you

in your resilience building journey. And then, of course,

I'm very much active on LinkedIn,

LinkedIn and Saskia Christian

and, also on Facebook as well on The

Boostrue and Instagram. You have those social media handles,

on the Boostrout as well, on Instagram and

YouTube. Yeah. So All the links are in the show notes. You don't have to

remember it. But, anyways, follow her. She's amazing, and she's such a what

I really love about you is you're such a cheerleader. You believe in collaboration

over competition. You believe in helping other people

rise, you know, like a phoenix through the ashes. And I think that's what's

really beautiful about the work that you and I both do is we believe in

helping each other up and being that hand to pull them

up, you know, through the flames. And so please follow her and

connect with her. She's just such a bright light. And,

you know, I'm so grateful for you and and the support that you've given our

community. And I'm just honored that you're part of our, you know, coauthor

collective and that you're, you know, you're you're part of our legacy. And, you know,

together we rise, and it's interesting because, you know, I've been making a big

shift into the world of grief coaching Yes. Resilience

coaching and By the way. Yes. Yeah. And it just, you

know, really stepping into a world of,

helping others through their pain and just it it really

brings me so much life to help people through it because we've been

there. Yeah. And so I I know that you do

similar work, so that's amazing. So one

final question for you. Sure.

What advice do you have for someone who is maybe

their parent goes missing or, there's an

unexplained, you know, loss or disappearance of a parent or

a loved one? What's your advice to those people? My

advice is to, take care of

yourself, of course, really. So

just your self healing has no timeline,

right? It's it's unique. It well, actually, it has its own timeline, and it should

never be dictated by anyone else. No matter who they

are, to you. And I know there are a lot of loved ones who really

do mean well, but until you actually walk in those

shoes, right, in the circumstances and the

pain and the suffering, you're not able to and you're not an

expert in that. Mhmm. And so we, you know, we don't our

feelings don't need to be validated by anyone. And then the same thing with

boundaries. Right? Making sure that you do put those

boundaries in place so that you can preserve yourself. You can have self

healing and you can maintain healthy relationships with everyone,

but you're allowing yourself to have that emotional space

so that you can really truly grieve

and be vulnerable all in a safe manner

without feeling pressured by

the external environment. So those are the things. And, of course,

the boundaries, the boundaries, the boundaries. I do have a

boundaries assessment tool that I included today as a free gift

just really to help you identify,

assess those boundaries, and just see how strategies

share those strategies with you and how you can,

help, to make those, boundaries,

stronger for your own, protection. We call it

self preservation. That's amazing. Yeah. That's you're

amazing. Okay. So the link to her gift is in the show

notes, and that is such powerful

advice. Work for me. So I'm just giving based on

my personal experience. Yeah. I

mean, that's for people who've been through stuff, the best

the best of lessons from the worst experiences are

some of the best pieces of advice. And so

thank you so much for joining us on Resilient AF.

Thank you. You're such a gracious host. Thank you so much for

just the dialogue. I don't even call it questions. It's the free dialogue.

And it's really caring and being an authentic soul. I'm

very grateful for you and for this platform, and I

know that you will impact so many lives for

good based on, you know, how you're, going

about, doing things and your heart question. So thank you

so much. Oh, thank you that you're very kind. And and so Saskia's

story is in Resilient AF Stories of Resilience. You can get the

book on Amazon. I wanna thank everyone for tuning in to

another episode of Resilient AF. You know,

it's okay to not be okay. Life is full of ups and downs, highs and

lows, the yin and the yang, yin and yang. You know? And,

I just actually had this beautiful conversation about the duality of the highs and the

lows. And it's like a pendulum, and you never know which way it's gonna swing,

but it is okay to not be okay because you are

not alone. You do not have to walk this path alone. You

have us. You have the community. You have support outside

of our community. Just remember friends, you are resilient

AF.