Broken Trust with Ania Halama

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:00

trigger warning, the Resilience Project provides an open space for people to share their personal experiences. Some content in this podcast may include topics that you may find difficult, the listeners discretion is advised.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:19

Hello friends, welcome to radical resilience, a weekly show where I Blair Kaplan Venables have inspirational conversations with people who have survived life's most challenging times. We all have the ability to be resilient and bounce forward from a difficult experience. And these conversations prove just that, get ready to dive into these life changing moments while strengthening your resilience muscle and getting raw and real. Welcome back to another episode of radical resilience.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:00:53

It's me, Blair Kaplan Venables, and I'm here with Ania. What I love about our guest today is that I met her through the internet. I, you know, she's a digital nomad. She's been all over the place. And I met her through an online community. And we're both recently best selling authors in a co authored collaboration book called woman gun wild wealth addition. And there was a three week media tour and I spent a significant amount of time with her in Las Vegas, and in New York, and we developed such a beautiful friendship. And when I heard her share her story on stage in Vegas, I knew I had to have her on as a guest. She's literally a bowl of sunshine. She's just so happy and big aluminous smile, and I'm just so excited to have her here today. So Anya is a world traveler, who has helped 1000s of heart centered entrepreneurs align with their ideal clients to attract money, wealth, perfect health, perfect love, mental health and spiritual wealth. She said quite the journey. And I'm going to drop her full bio and the links in the comments below. But we're here today just to dive into her story. And I am so honored that you are here today. Hi,

Ania Halama: 00:02:01

I'm so excited to be here. Hello, hello, hello. And yes, like Blair said, we've developed such a beautiful friendship in such a short period of time, I felt like many of the women on the on the tuba were very slightly different than us a lot much older than you and I, you and I are very similar in ages. And we're just like, we're sparkling. We're probably not saying that all the other ones were in, but you and I just like clicked right away. And it's beautiful. Because we've connected even before that as well. I'm blind thanks to the internet. And you've showed up on my podcasting or on my PBS show, you spoke on one of my goddess retreats, I'm happy to be here. Finally, on your end.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:02:42

Oh my god, I'm so honored. And I'm going to have you on my other podcast dissecting success. And we're probably going to talk about something completely different there. But what really like because you know, when you get to know someone, I guess, like, in the beginning of an exchange, you don't dive into the darkness. And like my life has been like, I've been living in the darkness with like, sparks of light. And what I really learned about the women in this book is that we all have this these traumas. And when you share it on stage that, you know, your father stole hundreds of 1000s of dollars from you. Like that story. I just, I don't I, I've never heard really anything like that before. And, you know, I think if you're open to it, we could talk about your journey and your story. Because, you know, you're not very old. I mean, you can't tell because you can't see you in the podcast world. But you'll look her up and you'll see like, she's, you know, we're, we're both vintage millennials, she might even be a little bit younger than me, she's a lot younger than me, actually. But um, you know, to build the career that she's built and have the success that she's had. The age she's had, you know, her her soul is old, her soul is wise. And I would just love to give you the opportunity to share your story.

Ania Halama: 00:03:58

Yeah, definitely. And thank you for allowing me to share the story. Fun fact, I've had 1300 58 past lives. So I do have a very old soul.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:04:08

That's a lot of past lives.

Ania Halama: 00:04:11

That is a lot of past lives. I do Akashic Record reading. So I went into the records and find out how many past lives I've had. Not all of them were in human form, but 1300 50 a past lives. I'm ready to get off this planet and go live in the ether at all.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:04:26

You're doing the work in this lifetime. You're doing the work.

Ania Halama: 00:04:30

Yeah, I think this is my last one. I was telling someone the other day that and they're like, Oh, what do you mean? That's your last one. I'm like, No, I really truly feel in my heart. It's my last one. Like, I've had so many of them already. And like, I feel like this life. I've done so much shit in this life that have gotten me like, I can't even imagine what my other past lives were like like this. This isn't this isn't for me.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:04:54

This is it. And so I mean, I think that's a whole nother conversation and maybe we have you back on Um, you know, but sometimes some of us are dealt cards that are really fucking hard to play the game of life with. And you're, you're one of them, right like you. Did you move from Poland to the US like, Tell me your story? What's your story Morning Glory.

Ania Halama: 00:05:16

So I, um, I was born in Poland, I came to the US when I was three years old. I grew up in Chicago, at the age of 10. And my dad got into a work accident where he dropped a sheet of sheet metal, he used to be a welder, he dropped a sheet of sheet metal and ripped off all of his tendons in his arm. So all of a sudden he can't feel anything in his arm. He's He's handicapped at this point. And because we're we were immigrants, my parents, my dad, still to this day does not speak any English. We've been in America for almost 30 years. And he still doesn't speak any English, which is a whole nother story in itself. But I was I had to take on the responsibilities of the family, I have to be the man of the house, essentially, because I was the oldest child at 10 years old. So I was going to doctors offices, legal offices, I was translating documents, no 10 year old should be translating learning words no 10 year old should learn. I was still learning English at this point. I was 10 years old, like, it was very difficult. But because of that, I had to grow up really, really quickly. So I was always very artsy. I went to an art school when I was younger. Like most kids, they take tap lessons or ballet lessons. I was taking art lessons. I was like, I like to draw that's me. Like, I'm gonna go sit in my little bubble give me cramps give me like, whatever. That's my little piece of childhood that I love to this day. Like, when I get artsy, like it's connecting to that inner child and you're still

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:06:51

artsy, like, you're still really Yes, and I love it,

Ania Halama: 00:06:55

because it connects to that inner child. So I knew I always wanted to go some kind of direction in the art field. So when I got to high school, I hated high school, my parents moved from the city to the suburbs, the middle of my sophomore year. And to make it worse, the school that I went to was really big. We had one school for freshmen and sophomores, one school for juniors and seniors. So we moved the middle of my sophomore year, I was coming from the city I didn't fit in, I didn't get along with anyone. And then the next year, I was in a new school anyways, with older kids. So I was like, I don't fit in. I like so how can I finish school as quickly as I possibly can? What can I do? So I took all the art classes in school because I knew I wanted to go into some kind of an art direction. So I took photography I took, I took painting I did, I did all the things, all the art classes and graphic design really stuck to me. I was like in this fun. I like photoshopping and making things look pretty. I'm really liking this. And like as soon as I took that art class, that graphic design class, I was like, This is what I want to do for the rest of my life. Like I know I want to be a graphic designer. So I went to talk to my counselor. And I was like, How can I graduate early? What can I do? I know I want to go into graphic design. And she's like, well start looking at schools already. She's like, you have a great GPA, you have a great, your grades are great. Like why can't you graduate early you can. So I did everything that I could to graduate early. So I graduated at 17 and went to college right away. And the universe is beautiful at how it works. I unconsciously manifested before I even knew what manifestation was like because I had this goal, this mission. I started working a girlfriend's boyfriend of mine. He had an agency and he's like, Well, I'm actually looking for some interns like do you want to intern? I was like, Yes, perfect. So I was working under him while I was still in high school. And then once I graduated high school, he hired me on full time. So I've had a full time job since I was 1516 years old, because I had to be that man of the house and I knew what I was doing. So at college, I worked at the entire college. But while I was in college, I was in corporate America already. And it's funny because I tell people nowadays I was like, Oh yeah, I've had a full time corporate America job since I was 1516 years old. They're like, Wait, how old are you? I'm like, yeah, it's been over a decade already. They're like how, like, just just, that's just how it happened. So once I got to college, I graduated college early as well because I was very focused on like, I know this is what I want to do. I want to do graphic design, and I was already working for him. So once I graduated college, I moved on from his from his job and I was working like a fortune 500 company at that point. And like I I kept receiving amazing amounts of money. I was making six figures at the age of 19 years old and because I was helping out my family, my dad started seeing the money That was coming into our lives, his life, my life at this point. And at first it was like, oh, yeah, let me borrow $1,000 Here, let me borrow $1,000 there, let me borrow this. And I'm not comfortable sharing where the money actually went yet. I know where it is. And I talk a little bit more about it in my first book. I mean, you guys can get that as rebels guide to spirituality. But like, every single day, he started asking and asking and asking for money. And always it was like, Don't tell mom, don't tell mom that I'm asking for this. Don't tell mom. And at a point like I, I was so stressed. I like all I mean, I had hundreds of 1000s of dollars to pay off for school, like art school, especially in America is expensive. And I have two degrees, and I'm going Back to School paying for my second school as well. Like, it's crazy expensive. I was paying for my apartment. At this point, I was paying for my car, I was paying like all the adult things. Plus, I was willingly giving money to my parents as well just to help out. And one thing led to another and then all of a sudden, I was in debt, like hundreds of 1000s of dollars. And I was like, Holy crap. Like, I I got so sick at that point. Like I had crazy anxiety, I had insomnia, I was stressed. On top of all like having to take care of everything. Being an adult like working like adult things like that. I don't even deal with now that I'm in my 30s. But I was dealing with when I was 1819 years old. And I was just so sick, like, stressed, I'm stressed. I'm stressed doctors had no idea what was wrong with me. I was going blind at a certain point in my life, like doctors have no idea what was wrong with me. And I was just so sick. And eventually I told my mom, I was like, hey, that's stealing money from me. What can we do? She got so mad. Oh my goodness. But I'm so grateful that I took that step. I dreaded telling my mom for years on years because I was like, Well, what is she gonna think that kept telling me like, Oh, don't tell mom. Like I thought that if I tell her he's not going to love me anymore. And I'm going to be unloved or I'm not going to be liked by him anymore, whatever. And boy was I wrong. Goodness gracious. Um, so one thing led to another and I switched jobs. I cut him off at that point, I was very angry with him amongst other traumas that I had as well. And then that's when I was like, alright, well, I can either look for a new job or do something crazy. So I need to get as far away from home as possible. Get away from my parents get away from the stress, the burdens my sicknesses. So I bought a one way ticket to Thailand. And within two weeks, I quit my job, sold my apartment, moved everything into storage, sold my car, and I've been traveling ever since. And during those times, which is amazing. I've healed myself. I grew many businesses grew as a person like fell into my spirituality. I'm that was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me, because I can't imagine the person that I was and that I could have that I would have been if I stayed in Chicago all along.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:13:18

Wow, wow. Wow. Wow. Okay, so many things. I want to unpack one. Thank you for sharing. remind us how long have you been on the road?

Ania Halama: 00:13:27

Six and a half years.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:13:29

So in that six and a half years, what's happened to the relationship with you and your father.

Ania Halama: 00:13:35

So, um, so when I left, I didn't talk to him for about five years. This was even before I left like I just completely cut off conversation with him. I I didn't trust him. I didn't trust myself. I was very angry with him. I hated him for what he did to me how he treated me like the burdens that he stuck me with. I didn't talk to him for five years. And then eventually I ended up talking to him. And it took me a lot of time reflecting and sitting within plant medicines that truly healed my relationship with him. The first time that I went into Iowa, Tosca. My intention going in was clarity, clarity of why my dad did the things to me why certain things happen in my life like clarity. And she showed me that plus more she showed me a whole different perspective of my dad that I never even would have thought of like, showed me from his point of view, like I saw his childhood, how he grew up, why he did the things he did and why he made those choices. And that really allowed me to forgive him. And it wasn't until May and at that point like him and I started talking again a little bit like I've forgive him without truly realizing that I was forgiving him or not. And it was about two years ago once I started working in the Kashuk records that I was I was in the records and the records told me they're like Have you told him that you've that he hurt you that he forgave you? I was like, oh, no, goodness gracious, like, Yeah, I mean, like, I forgive him. That's that, shouldn't that be good? No, I need to close the cycle, close the loop. So at that point, I told him, I was like, Hey, Dad, like, you really hurt me, you've really upset me. Like, this is how you tormented me as a child and take it or leave it, do whatever you want with that information. But it's lifted off of my shoulders at this point, the entire cycle close and we have a we have a decent relationship. Now we talk, at least it's not, I don't think it'll ever be as good as like the relationship with my mom and I but it's decent. We talk we do have a relationship. Wow.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:15:47

Yeah, I appreciate you sharing that. You know, the power of forgiveness is so strong. And it all starts within us. And, you know, I know a lot of people have relationships in their life where there's turmoil, I had a relationship with my father, where there was lots of anger and hate, and I made the decision to forgive them and began a beautiful journey. And, you know, once you learn about, like, once you How do I say this, you're on the spiritual path. And if you weren't on that, you may have never understood the things you needed to know. And it's when we stop and we start asking the right questions and looking inwards, and healing ourselves before we can actually heal and, you know, mend relationships with others. So I definitely think it's special that you got to do that. Maybe that's also why we get along so well is because we have these relationships with our fathers. And then we forgave them, because, hey, do you find like, when you tell people this story, they're like, wow, like, Oh, I'm so mad at my mom, or I'm so mad at my dad, like,

Ania Halama: 00:16:46

yeah, maybe, man, I see that with my clients all the time. And I was like, well, first off, like, if you're gonna forgive anyone, first off, forgive yourself. Like, I was a big part in that as well. I allowed that to happen to me, I was giving, I kept giving him money and kept doing and listening, thinking I was daddy's little girl, which I wasn't. But like, I allowed that to happen. And that is part of my responsibility. First off, forgive yourself, and then work on forgiving others because we need to work on ourselves first, because we can't change other people. But you can change how you feel about yourself and feel about the people around you. And it's beautiful. And I see I see that with my clients all the time. They're like, Oh, I'm so mad at my mom. I'm so mad at my dad. Like they did this. They did this. They did this. So like work on you. And then everything else will fall into place like the right people will come into your place like that forgiveness. Like it's beautiful. I work with a whole pono pono a lot and hope pono pono is just repeating the verbiage. I love you. I'm sorry, please forgive me. Thank you.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:17:47

Again, then slower

Ania Halama: 00:17:48

hope. pono pono.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:17:50

And what were what's the verbiage

Ania Halama: 00:17:52

I love you. I'm sorry, please forgive me. Thank you.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:17:55

I love you. Forgive me. Okay. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. Yes.

Ania Halama: 00:18:02

And you can mix and match however way you want to repeat those four words. But as long as you're repeating them, that's what it is. And for one person, you might say, please forgive me. Thank you, I love you. I'm sorry. And another person, I love you. I'm sorry, please forgive me. Thank you, however you want to say it for that person. It doesn't really matter. As long as you're doing the cycle. So hope on a pono is an ancient Hawaiian tradition, where it is essentially like I am responsible for anything and everything that comes into my life. I'm responsible for meeting you. I'm responsible for the stuff that happened to my dad, I'm responsible for this car crash that happened, whatever it is all my responsibility, because I attracted that into my life. And there's this older teacher, who really quickly. So there was a teacher in Hawaii, who hoo, there's this prison that came to this teacher and they're like, Hey, we have these mental health patients and like, we don't know what to do with them. Can you help us? And he's like, Yeah, but I don't want to see any of the patients. So he goes on and like does this healing on these patients without ever seen any of them? And all he did was done whole pono pono I love you. I'm sorry, please forgive me. Thank you. Within six months, all of the patients were dispersed from the psych ward. Like, they weren't patients anymore, they got healed all of a sudden. So when we look internally, like we could say things like if you if you get in an argument with your partner or do whatever with your mom, your partner, whatever. I'm sorry, I love you. Please forgive me. Thank you. That in itself sets you on that record of I am doing better. I'm responsible for this. I'm healing this. I'm fixing this just by these words that I'm saying and that's the energy that you want to put out

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:19:48

there. Wow. Okay, that's it. So that's like, basically a tool that anyone listening to this can implement. And I know like I've actually my sister got me onto that and, uh, she used to listen to it a lot, I think at night before bed, and I've listened to it because I'm newer into meditation. And I think it's a really beautiful one. And there's lots of really cool recordings out there, or you say it or you say along with the recording. And I think that's like a really beautiful takeaway that our community can have. You know, as we wrap this up, I want to know, when a couple things, one, what's one piece of advice you have for someone who's going through something similar, like they have a strained relationship with their father, and they still have, they're living in that place of anger and sadness.

Ania Halama: 00:20:32

So some, something a mentor of mine had me do recently, which I really, really loved. In order to do some release work, like if you're angry, write a fuck you letter, like, get all of your emotions out, like, write it as deeply as you want to burn it, like read it out loud, whatever, and then finish it off with it. I love you thank you letter. Like we're first get all of your anger out. Like it helped us so much. I did this recently with an ex of mine as well. Like, I like fuck you, like fuck you for all of this. But finish it off with a thank you, thank you for being in my life. Thank you for coming into my life for teaching me all these things for allowing me to grow and become the person that I am today because of these hurdles, because of these troubles that you put me through. So thank you. So read both of them. Because a lot of the time we say like oh write an angry letter or write a thank you letter. No, write both of that.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:21:30

I love that. I think that's a really great place to start. And also like probably a lot of listeners are like, wow, I want to work with Anya. She's amazing. I'm going to put all your links below but what's the best way for someone to get in touch with you?

Ania Halama: 00:21:42

Yeah, so you can find me on my website on Ania Halama.com and on all of social media mostly I'm @aniatravels, aNia travels most Instagram is probably the easiest one as I'm on there often. And I have scoliosis so that I'm working here.

Blair Kaplan Venables: 00:21:59

Oh, it's so funny. So Ania is up to some cool stuff. And we might do some collab. Well, we are going to do some collaboration and we'll announce that later. But I love following you and now that like we've become like as good friends as we have I it's it's like I I understand what you're up to more. So it's super cool. And I love that you work with businesses and individuals and I'm so honored that you took time to come and talk to us today. The radical resilience world the global Resilience Project world we definitely honor you and thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your experience and opening up your heart and your truth to us. And for you listeners out there. Just know that you are resilient you will get through those hard times maybe on your can help maybe this episode was enough. You are resilient. You got this and you are not alone. Thank you.

Ania Halama: 00:22:49

Thank you so much Blair.