Given the effects of complex PTSD, I woke up one morning and found myself struggling to breathe. I thought that emerging out of two early-stage cancer journeys was my biggest wake-up call to becoming resilient. Until one day, I found myself in the grips of C-PTSD.
The fear and anxiety gripped me so hard around my chest that I was riddled with panic. After proudly being off all medication post breast cancer and feeling amazing, I suddenly found myself running for Ativan before even getting out of bed.
My first thought was, “How the hell did this happen?” How did I get here in this scary place?” “I just want to feel like myself again!” “Safe, grounded, and connected,” as I later cried to my therapist.
I am well aware of living with the challenges of PTSD. In fact, experts are now calling it “PTSI.” Rather than being a disorder from post-traumatic stress, it’s actually an injury that has been inflicted on the nervous system. This may include developmental trauma from childhood or any traumatic event later in a person’s life. The key is that the nervous system has become dysregulated and needs to re-establish its sense of safety and equilibrium.
The PTSD I have experienced comes from childhood events, growing up in a dysfunctional family, and getting bullied in 7th & 8th grade, to name a few. These adverse childhood events are well known through the “ACE study,” which predisposes adults to a greater risk of disease later in life when the number of ACE’s runs high. Being a star athlete growing up helped me survive those early traumas, where I found a sense of confidence, belonging, connection, and resilience. My athletic pursuits are where I came alive, and now I look back with gratitude for my natural talents as an athlete, where my childhood bedroom was adorned with medals and trophies.
Fast forward to September 2023, when old trauma decided to resurface and enter my life like a freight train barreling down the tracks. Suddenly, I went from being a global speaker in high demand on podcasts, summits, retreats, and an award-winning docuseries about integrative healing approaches to cancer – to waking up gripped in fear and afraid of being alone in my apartment. How could I do such a 180 where the most basic activities suddenly felt like climbing Mt. Everest? As I gathered the courage to face these fears, I reminded myself about some of my favorite topics to speak on: turning adversity into strength, shifting from surviving to thriving, embracing a growth mindset, and seeing setbacks as an opportunity to bounce forward. Through adversity, I believe we have the opportunity to become a greater version of our best selves.
Although PTSD has left me feeling disconnected from my thriving self, I know this strength and resilience have not been lost. In fact, it’s still inside, waiting to emerge with even greater courage and confidence as I transform post-traumatic stress into post-traumatic GROWTH.
Leaning into my fears, I take a deep breath and reflect on the meaning of post-traumatic growth. It feels much like a rebirth.
Some of the wisdom that comes to mind is having full acceptance and compassion for wherever I am on my healing journey. I also want to strengthen my rapport with the fear and love ALL parts of myself. What if this message from my body is simply a younger part of me who needs love and reassurance during change and uncertainty? If I shift my mindset and lean into the growth unfolding, perhaps it’s all part of my larger story of courage and resilience to share with the world.
The deeper truth is “I am safe. I am resilient. And I am deeply loved and supported.” There is a Higher Power at play in my life, and I simply need to let go and surrender. So, I become my own medicine, finding my way back to inner safety, love, and connection.
These words echo through me when fear takes hold, and I drop into the pain, shifting back to my wise self. I know I am bigger than the fear and have tremendous bandwidth to tackle it head-on with courage and strength.
Reflecting on post-traumatic growth, I would like to close with these thoughts.
Be gentle with yourself. Stop and take a deep breath.
When adversity strikes, shift from a “fixed” mindset to a “growth” mindset. Ask yourself how this can be an opportunity to create a new story — one that feels inspiring and empowering. This story can become rocket fuel for your personal growth.
Develop rapport with your body and connect on a somatic level.
Allow the painful emotions to surface and release.
So, you can see the value in adversity and turn the trauma into pure gold.
Ask yourself what PTSD is here to teach you. In doing so, surround yourself with a supportive community that resonates with your body, mind, and soul.
And know that when life seemingly “breaks you,” it is because you are ready to be put back together differently, perhaps with a new purpose and meaning. So, trust that the cracks are where the light gets in. And sometimes, in our “brokenness,” we find our greatest wholeness.
We find the courage to rebuild, reimagine, and redefine what it means to be fully alive.
Remember, you are not broken.
You are breaking through to new levels of growth and resilience.
As you discover the inner healer that lives inside of you, you become your own medicine.
You become the hero of your own story.
Anne Ferrier Crook
Certified Integrative Health Coach, AADP
Holding Space Consultant
Certified Medical Interpreter, CMI – Spanish
I leaned into my fears and shifted my mindset from post-traumatic stress to post-traumatic GROWTH. I asked myself, what is PTSD here to teach me? And I remember building rapport with my body as a wise teacher, conveying a message for deeper healing and transformation. I reminded myself that I am resilient.
Stop and take a deep breath. Shift from a “fixed” mindset into a “growth” mindset. Ask yourself how this can be an opportunity to create a new story — one that feels inspiring and empowering. So, it becomes rocket fuel for your personal growth. Connect with your body on a somatic level, allowing the painful emotions to surface and release. Then, you can see the value in adversity and turn the trauma into pure gold.
Are you ready to share your story of RESILIENCE? You can do that HERE.