This is Ryan Barnes and he is RESILIENT.
CONTENT WARNING: The I Am Resilient Project provides an open space for people to share their personal experiences. Some content in this post and on this website will include topics that you may find difficult.
Describe the situation where you had to be resilient:
I have found my way back after a mental illness diagnosis and suicide attempts. I have trained every day for the last two years held myself accountable for my future by setting goals and achieving them daily.
Ryan’s Story:
The hurt and shame I feel are so deep, I thought there was no future for me. There have been many years of countless failures and pain, both caused and received. I gave up on myself and didn’t believe that I was enough for those around me. I pushed those close away and isolated myself.
I thought the Only Way Out was suicide and that everyone was better off without me. I failed.
Ironically this added to the mountain of failures I carried. I struggle to eat during the day and overeat when I can’t sleep – without realizing I went from 15st to 21 1/2st. Looking in the mirror not recognizing who I was, staring back empty inside, pulling myself apart, asking questions that I didn’t have the answers to.
I struggle with what’s in my head and gave up on my body, not washing, shaving or changing my clothes and struggling to get out of bed. Feeling that I deserve pain and wasn’t a good enough father, partner and man.
Not being able to explain how I was feeling and pushing away, even verbally hurting those close to me just so they would leave me alone. My mind was constantly busy and nothing seemed to help.
I found that I couldn’t go on as I was, I either start a process of change and challenge the negative noise or give up. I have started and failed countless times but still keep going, I tell myself how can I be the best version of myself, how can I improve and work on myself daily, no matter what the mind brings.
How did you practice resilience when faced with this challenge?
Exercise has changed my mindset. I’m finally starting to make sense of who I am and the person I want to be. I still struggle but now know my worth. I managed to lose my shame and learned how to be honest with myself. I accepted that I needed help.
Please share one piece of advice for people who are going through a similar challenge:
You can change your path at any moment, find YOUR way and take the steps you want to take in life.
Are you ready to share your story of RESILIENCE? You can do that HERE.
???? Halifax, West Yorkshire, United Kingdom
