This is Melissa Deally and she is RESILIENT.
CONTENT WARNING: The I Am Resilient Project provides an open space for people to share their personal experiences. Some content in this post and on this website will include topics that you may find difficult.
Describe the situation where you had to be resilient:
I was 13 years old, the oldest of four kids, living as an expat in Tokyo Japan, when my Dad dies suddenly on December 10.
Melissa’s Story:
It was 6am on a rainy day in Tokyo. My Mom woke me up and handed me my two sisters (age three and five), and asked me to look after them, as she had to go to the hospital. My Dad had surgery the previous day to remove a cancerous tumour from behind his ear. My Mom had seen him the night before and said the doctors had said it had all gone well. But now, I was nervous, why had the hospital called at 6am? I got up, and we got ready for school. At 8am, Mom called and said to keep my siblings home, and in that moment, I knew my Dad had passed away. He died of blood clots in his heart. As I write this now, my eyes well up with tears, 39 years later. You never get over it, but you do build resilience.
That day changed my life, I went from being a normal 13 yr old to the 2nd parent for my three younger siblings. My brother closed himself in his room for a month, I went to school, because I needed my friends, but I also held my Mom’s hand in the night when she sobbed herself to sleep. We were very fortunate to be able to stay in Japan for two more years, to get our lives back in order.
On the day of Dad’s funeral, it rained and I said “even the Gods are crying,” and I also consoled myself with “only the good die young.”
I was a Daddy’s girl, I was devastated, but I knew life had to go on. I somehow knew my Dad was still with me. When I had tough decisions to make, I’d consult him and always got an answer. I felt like he sat on my shoulder. Somehow I also was grateful for the fact he died quickly, I didn’t have to slowly watch him die and wish him no pain, but then after passing have the guilt of having wished he leave this earth earlier to be pain free. I had no guilt, I only had a broken heart and knew time would help heal that. We also had a strong family and we stuck together.
After two years we moved back to Australia and I had to settle into a new school, at age 15 with an American accents after all my years in Japan. I made one friend, and she was all I needed for those final two years of school. I was more mature than the other girls, and I was beyond teenage pettiness. I realized none of that mattered the true scheme of things.
I wouldn’t be the person I am today, if I hadn’t gone through this. I know my Dad was a special person and his gifts were needed elsewhere. I am grateful I had him for 13 years, my youngest sister only had him for three years. About 10 years after his passing, I found a poem on a card, that put into words what I truly felt. I bought it, and share it with others who have lost, as it has brought me so much comfort –there isn’t room for all of it here, but it starts and ends like this:
“Do not stand at grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep,
I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush, I am the swift uplifting rush…
—-Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there, I did not die.”
How did you practice resilience when faced with this challenge?
Even at that young age, I knew that my Dad would want me to step up and help my Mom with my siblings. I also continued my swimming career as my Dad loved watching me swim, so I swam every race for him after that. These things gave me focus.
Please share one piece of advice for people who are going through a similar challenge:
Think of your lost loved one as an angel who is now looking after you. Carry them with you in your mind and heart wherever you go and you will never be alone.
Are you ready to share your story of RESILIENCE? You can do that HERE.
???? Whistler, British Columbia, Canada
