This is Anne Ferrier Crook and she is RESILIENT.
CONTENT WARNING: The I Am Resilient Project provides an open space for people to share their personal experiences. Some content in this post and on this website will include topics that you may find difficult.
Describe the situation where you had to be resilient:
I was getting ready to attend my best friend’s big annual event and I got a call from my doctor. It was cancer.
Anne’s Story:
It was a Friday evening in April of 2018 — the same month as my birthday. The cell phone rang as I was getting ready to attend my best friend’s big annual event. As I saw the caller i.d. appear on the screen, I knew it was my doctor and I had to take the call. Right after sitting myself down and taking a deep breath, I answered. She confirmed the results of my biopsy that every patient dreads hearing — it was cancer. My heart sank and I was completely numb. All I could do was sit there on my patio in complete shock. Suddenly, I started to cry. I felt like a deer in the headlights and the floor had just gotten ripped out from underneath me. What, I have breast cancer? How can that be? I’m a Certified Health Coach and my lifestyle revolves around health and wellness. I take good care of myself. This can’t be true!
My world was completely changed in a heartbeat.
I found myself having a difficult time saying the awful “c” word. I simply did not identify with it, nor did I want to take on that identity of being a cancer patient. I did not feel like one at all. When I asked my doctor if I should still attend my friend’s event, she encouraged me to go. So, I decided to go out that evening and do my best to enjoy the socializing. I think I was still in shock. However, I told myself that my life was not going to be taken over by breast cancer. That resilient mindset served me well on my healing journey through the lumpectomy and radiation treatments. My healing journey has continued since then through a variety of holistic protocols that I have enjoyed incorporating into my routine.
The hardest part of this journey came several days right before my surgery. My doctor called me again letting me know that there was concern about my MRI results. It showed suspicious activity in my right breast, too, in addition to the lump that had already been confirmed as malignant in my left breast. I felt sick to my stomach after we hung up and went immediately to my parent’s house for love and support. It was the first time that I had ever faced my own mortality. It felt surreal. What had just happened? What if the cancer was metastatic? Everything was spinning in my mind and I became completely overwhelmed by fear. All I could do was reach for the arms of my parents that evening to find some sense of comfort as I was sobbing and feeling completely distraught. That familiar hug was providing me with some kind of reassurance that all was well, even if it didn’t feel like it. Adding salt to the wound, my boyfriend of 3 years had just moved out of our home that we shared together and taken a job in San Francisco. Literally, weeks before my breast cancer diagnosis and right when I needed him the most. I knew he had no idea what was coming down the pipe a month after his departure. However, suddenly being without my boyfriend was just another blow in the whole scheme of events. As I went to my parent’s house that evening, I was grasping to make sense of these traumatic changes that had suddenly landed in my life.
The good news is that the tumor was only in my left breast and it was not metastatic. So, fortunately, I was able to move forward with surgery and begin my healing journey. The results from the lumpectomy showed it was Stage 1 and no lymph nodes were involved. What a huge relief! I am so grateful to this day that I caught it early. I believe it was God watching over me as I was lying on my yoga mat that Sunday afternoon, and just happened to feel something suspicious.
What has helped me to move beyond the fear of breast cancer is to create a healing mindset. I am now two and a half years past that diagnosis, and I am happy to say that I am not only a breast cancer survivor but a breast cancer THRIVER. Creating a healing mindset is everything!
Some of the ways I have done this is to take charge of my health and be proactive about the “blind spots” in my healthy lifestyle. For example, learning about detoxification and the importance of reducing toxins in my environment that mimic hormones like estrogen. Beyond the detoxification, the most profound aspect of my healing journey however has been to heal my emotional wounds. I believe this is the number one priority of any healing journey from cancer, not to mention all chronic illnesses. Symptoms are a message from our body that something is out of balance and needs our love and attention.
As I became curious about my breast cancer diagnosis and began to ask what the gift was in this life-changing event, I began to hear my intuition more clearly. It was no coincidence that the lump was right near my heart, as I knew this was a message to forgive my Mom. It was crystal clear that my emotional wound from that relationship was speaking to me. The pain, hurt, and buried anger I had carried inside for years was knocking on my door and trying to get my attention. I had carried this pain around for my entire life. Now was my opportunity to finally release it and give that pain over to a Higher Power so I could heal my relationship with Mom on a much deeper level. While going through this process, I realized that my transformation was not only happening with Mom but also with my inner child and Higher Power. I call this connection my “inner marriage.” This partnership between my inner child, adult self, and Higher Power is what has been growing and flourishing inside of me lately. It has helped me to create a deeper commitment to my life purpose and how I am moving forward on all accounts. I am nourishing the relationship with my higher power in amazing new ways, which includes using my talents and gifts to support others in turning their own adversity into the seeds of greatness. I believe that how we face adversity holds the seeds to our greatness, and we all have greatness within us.
I would like to close by sharing a beautiful moment with my Mom.
Upon going through the 12 steps of ACA recovery, I completed an amends process with her. I was so uncomfortable at first and not quite sure why I was the one making amends. However, I trusted the process. As I began to speak from my heart and share my deeper truth, the tears began pouring out as I sat with Mom that afternoon and she fully listened. It was so cleansing and liberating for my soul to go through this process. Suddenly, I felt a warm sense of relief wash over me as I told Mom how much I have always loved her and always will. I was grateful for the opportunity. It was not just about forgiving the past, but it was about opening my heart to a brighter future. I know now that I have the power to source my own safety, love, and security from within. So, as I deepen my connection to this wellspring of love and forgiveness, my life flourishes.
That same afternoon, Mom thanked me for my sweet words and as I looked up there was a beautiful rainbow in the sky. It was magical. I got in my car and began driving home, and as I looked up again there was a double rainbow! Unbelievable. You can’t make this stuff up. I knew in my heart that God was shining his love down on me that afternoon. Despite my years of struggling to let go and trust that God has my back, I felt it powerfully that afternoon. God really does have my back. I simply need to pay attention to the signs.
As I continue to deepen my trust in letting go and letting God, I know that I am living in a life-positive Universe. Life is always on my side creating opportunities for deep healing, love, and success.
How did you practice resilience when faced with this challenge?
I practiced resilience through creating a healing and growth-oriented mindset. Making this shift in my awareness helped me to not only cope with the diagnosis, but it also helped me not to fear breast cancer and to see all the gifts I have received upon my healing journey. I have created a mindset of turning this adversity into the seeds of courage, greatness, and strength. Knowing that I am resilient.
Please share one piece of advice for people who are going through a similar challenge:
My advice to others is not to let fear overwhelm you. There is always hope. Knowledge is power, and the more you learn about your physiology, the more empowered you feel to move forward. To become not only a cancer survivor but a cancer THRIVER!
Are you ready to share your story of RESILIENCE? You can do that HERE.
????Nashville, TN, USA
